Hello, people!! This is your friendly reminder to SPRING AHEAD (spring forward, same thing!) this weekend! Set your cocks ahead one hour Sunday at 2AM!
Here’s some candids with my Punk ass toy for Fleshlight Friday, of course!
Remember that one time when I played the teacher of your dreams? Okay, well I’ve done that a few times, but Hot For Teacher rules! Here’s some pictures for you on this glorious Throwback Thursday!
What was that saying? A pussy a day keeps the doctor away? Whatever! You like it!
I really do miss G4TV! I always had fun going on there.
In any case, me and Kevin got together and talked about anything and everything from facial hair to zombies…. and uh, he drank out of my ass with a straw.
All in all I would say it was a pretty successful hour!
Alright, well here is my Oscars recap. Don’t mistake my blog for being any kind of credible celebrity gossip blog, I am just giving you my own recap. I do enjoy watching the Oscars every year- not because I really care who wins, or what everyone is wearing, I just use it as good a excuse to watch movies I haven’t seen yet, and a good excuse to have people over and make food. The older I get the more and more joy I get out of people coming over and eating food I prepare. I suppose it’s the Jewish mom in me (who will mostly likely never actually be a mom).
I always “cram” before the Oscars. Like a few days before it I realize that I haven’t actually seen any of the movies who were nominated and I try to watch as many of them as I can the weekend before the Oscars (since all those movies re-enter the theater). I only got around to seeing three of them. Dallas Buyers Club, which I thought was incredible. Nebraska, which I also thought was really good, and The Wolf of Wall Street which was pretty disappointing (I also really didn’t like Hugo at all… which was Scorsese’s Oscar movie last year. Maybe I am just totally over him. It’s been a while since I liked any of his movies). Oh yeah, I also saw Gravity several months ago… which was just OK. If you care about my opinion on movies at all, well there is it!
I was happy Jared Leto and Matthew McConaughey won for Dallas Buyers club. They were both incredible in it. I have been in love with Jared Leto ever since he was Jordan Catalano in My So-Called Life, and I am now even more in love with him as Rayon, the tranny. The Small Hands was in a band that opened for 30 Seconds to Mars – and he told me that Jared Leto was a complete douche bag (apparently he he flew into the show on his own helicopter and his management instructed all the other bands that they were “not allowed to talk to him back stage”)…. but that’s ok. I don’t need to be his friend. I will just continue admiring him on screen. Matthew thanked god like 100 times in his acceptance speech, which was kind of lame. I don’t think god or Jesus was ever part of any “buyers club” but I could be wrong!
Um aside from that… what else? Ellen Degeneres hosted and took a bunch of selfies. She ordered pizza and handed it out to the A-list crowd and collected money with Pharrell’s stupid hat for the pizza (she did actually tip the delivery guy a thousand bucks today I heard, which was nice of her!). Brad Pitt got pizza. And he thought about me the entire time while he was eating it… because his wife (or fiance, whatever), Angelina CLEARLY does not eat pizza. Me and Brad have a special pizza eating relationship.
She always knows when Brad thinking about me. Always.
Unfortunately I wasn’t able to share that pizza with Brad because I was busy eating brisket in my apartment, about 16 miles away from where the Oscars took place. Yeah. I made a brisket! In my fancy SousVide machine.
I got this for my birthday! And it’s awesome. It’s some sort of French water cooker thing. I vacuum-sealed the brisket with garlic, salt, pepper, and taco seasoning all over it… and let it sit in that warm water bath for about 35 hours. Everyone indulged in it at my Oscar party. Too bad Brad wasn’t at my party or else he wouldn’t have needed that pizza!!!!!
My friend Johnny White and world-famous BBW porn star April Flores both ate the brisket.
“OMG WE KNOW THE BRISKET LOOKS SO GOOD AND WE ATE IT ALL.”
And that’s all I have to say about the Oscars.
One day I’m going to make a huge list of the many uses for my toys (of which I am sure there are 101), but for now I will just assign them random numbers, haha! Here is use #76 for my official Joanna Angel fleshlights:
Yeah! Put my pussy or ass in a plush sex doll! A poster on the Fleshlight forum told me I should know what one of my “freaky” fans was up to with this pic, but I think it’s super creative and it rules!! “Freaky” is something I relate to, they are my people and I love this! Except that it should have been a pink and black bikini. Blue bikini, who wears that?
Also I want to know where one gets those plush dolls for… science? I wonder if there’s one with a space for a butthole… ooooh, use #29! =)