Jeeze. It is really already Halloween? I mean I feel like it was just Halloween last year. I don’t get it. How did the year go by so quickly? I feel like it was just last week that I was dressing up as a doll and doing to the DragonFly. Fucking christ. I am getting old! Before I know it, it will be Halloween 2050 and I will be 70 years old. I wonder if I will still wear a costume then.
So once again, a lot has been going on. This weekend I went to San Francisco for the Exotic Erotic Ball. San Francisco kinda sucks. I don’t understand why so many people like it there. The weather is kinda shitty and things still close at 2am. I would probably live in San Francisco if I was a 100% lesbian but… I dunno. If I was gay in San Francisco I would probably get annoyed of all the other gay people being so outwardly gay all the time. Like, if I was gay I would probably like being the "gay" person in a group of Bi curious and straight friends. I dunno why. I just think I would. I am kinda like that.
Anyways yeah. This weekend… in San Francisco… the Exotic Erotic ball was a little creepy. A lot of fat hairy guys walked around naked or with leather crotchless chaps- most of them had really really really small penises. It left me a little conflicted. I have nothing against fat people, or hairy people, or people with small penises… I also have no problem with them flaunting themselves… I mean… I think it’s pretty cool… like… to show off what you got, no matter what you got but… I don’t know… it wasn’t the most aesthetically pleasing site to see. I guess nudity or something was legal there so a lot of people were like, masturbating out in the open, and one guy took his dick, reached it behind himself and literally fucked his own ass (that guy’s penis was not small)… but I have been fucked with soft penises before and it doesn’t feel good so I don’t know. If the sensation was what he was going for, I would highly recomend a different way of masturbating. I mean, you know… a good old fashioned sit by your computer and watch porn and tug at your dick with your left hand maybe?
I hope you don’t think I am republican or anything for saying this but I think that was a little bit too much for me. I say this because when I walked to the bathroom I was like, almost raped 6 times- by both men and women. It’s a good thing I was wearing 7 inch heels. I think people just thought it was completely OK to just grab anyone anywhere. Ehhhhh I dunno. Like I said I’m a little conflicted about the whole thing. Politically, I am all for the Exotic Erotic ball but I’ll be honest… I just don’t know if I want to hang out there again.
Believe it or not… the 300lb men with 2 inch penises weren’t really porn fans. Actually the majority of the people at the ball didn’t really care about stopping at my booth and getting my autograph. It happens. Some conventions are really awesome and some are a little depressing. So while I sat at my booth not signing autographs, I made a little tally of the costumes I’d seen. Here is what I came up with- bear in mind.. there was supposedly 30 thousand people at the ball. That’s what someone else told me. I don’t know if that was true or not but I did not survey all 30 thousand of the costumes.
467 "slutty" nurses
358 "slutty" devils
577 "slutty" witches or vamipres or some kind of scarry looking thing- but with fishnets
124 "slutty" cats
68 "slutty" bumble bees (you know what I am talking about- with the tu-tu and stuff)
40 "slutty" fairy tale characters (snow white mostly)
299 "hoes" (like in the 1940’s sort of gangster way kind of)
160 "slutty" cops, park rangers, taxi cab drivers, and race car drivers (I put them all in the same category because they all pretty much looked like the same costume with different patterns and different accessories)
Now for the men:
387 naked or assless/crotchless pants wearing guys
276 "scarry" things- vampires, or things with blood on them
3,568 pimps- about 2,500 of them in the same costume.
So the moral of the story is… if you have planned on wearing that purple fuzzy long coat costume, with the rod, and the gold tooth- please don’t. It’s not original.
that’s all I have to say for now.
I will make another entry and tell you about my night tonight tomorrow and also my night hosting "Metal Skool" on Monday.
I drank a bunch of coffee about an hour ago in an attept to wake me up but now I just feel dirty on the inside, and tired and icky. I have been told that water is the new coffee… well it’s not new but you know- like everything that you think coffee does water actually does but… water doesn’t taste as good nor smell as good as coffee. Seriously. Blech. Now I just want to barf.
OK well anyways I had to tell you this story. I’m in such a rush but it’s so important for me to tell it to you this.
So about 2 weeks ago someone at Playboy called me and said he had to write a script for a big commercial they were making on Playboy TV, like for Playboy TV. You know what I mean… they have these types of things a lot on VH1 or MTV where it’s a promo ad for the station you are watching. Get it? Alright well in any case, the guy who called me told me there was a "character" in this little script that was based around me, and he told me it should be played by me. Ummm… ok I’m being confusing. See the promo ad script in a nut shell- is a bunch of different stereotypes of people walking into Spice Studios and pitching ideas for a porno- like a black guy with baggy pants and a boom box pitching an idea for a porn that sounds like a rap video (with fancy big cars with silver rims ect) or someone else comes in while juggling requesting some kind of circus porn- and then there is one person who is supposed to be an "eccentric New York indie film maker" pitching an idea about female empowerment (ect). It was pretty much a cartoon version of me- because as you probably know- I recently made a movie for Spice studios that will be coming out next year– so my "character" in this little promo ad was a way to introduce me and my style of film making in a humorous way to the Playboy TV audience. Yeeeeah.
So then last week I get a call from someone who told me they were a "casting director" at Playboy. He told me they were holding open auditions for the promo ad they were making and that someone suggested I try out for the part of… well… me. I was like "um, well I think that part is actually written around me… do I really need to come in and try out?" He started laughing "Joanna, that’s very cute!" he said. I think he thought I was joking! I don’t think the people in the different Playboy departments talk to eachother. He told me the date and time of when this "audition" would take place. I wrote down the info- I figured I could make a few calls and get out of this nonsense and this was just some corporate technicality that could be easily resolved.
I called the guy who wrote the script and he said he has no authority over "casting" in the company, and that I would in fact have to go and try out for this part of myself. He said he just writes the scripts and comes up with the ideas but the "casting department" has to pick the cast. I was like… um… ok… yeah thanks.
So then I go down to the audition. I was a half an hour later than I said I would be there but I really had a hard time taking this seriously. I got to the building and I was asked to fill out a bunch of forms, and was placed in a waiting room where about 30 other girls sat who were all trying out for the part of me. Some of them were other girls I knew in porn, others were mainstream actresses. I guess because the part doesn’t require nudity, Playboy had put up some ads where "real" actresses look for jobs. Someone there informed me that about 80% of the time the people in playboy commercials have nothing to do with porn at all. They are just regular SAG actors and actresses who wouldn’t be caught dead anywhere near a porn. Strange. Right? My sister is a struggling actress trying to "make it." She’s still in college so she has some time before the real desporation kicks in… I surely hope for her sake after she graduates that she isn’t waiting on a line to try out for the part of me in a Playboy promo commercial.
Anyways, I think these people were a little too over the top- most of them looked like what I looked like in 8th grade and was a mallrat- stripey stockings, lip-rings (a lot of fake lip rings- I even saw some fake tattooes!) big ugly chokers from Hot Topic and ripped fishnets… ect. I was just wearing jeans and a wife-beater. I was starting to worry that I didn’t look like me enough to make the part of me in this ad.
The casting director came out and asked for my name, I told him. Then he yelled at me for being late… I kinda laughed and kind of apologized. He stated that he doesn’t tolerate tardiness but since I was "highly recomended" by the script writer he would let me stay. I sunk my head and nodded in shame but on the inside I was laughing so hard I was crying. Some of the other girls flashed me bitchy grins. I think they thought that this could increase their chances of getting the part.
I was handed the lines. They were kind of hokey… I changed them around a little bit so they sounded more like something I would actually say. I mean, the script writer was close but not on point. The character didn’t exactly sound like Joanna Angel, it sounded sorta like a cheap Joanna Angel knock off you could buy in China-town.
After about 10 other Marilyn Manson-esque girls walked in and out of the audition room, I was called in. The mean casting director was there, and some other guy was behind a camera- who said – "wow- you look perfect for the part!" I smiled and said thanks- but I tried to say it in a relieved sort of way as if I had been trying hard to look like this ever since I was notified for the audition. I said the lines, I was told I didn’t need to memorize them and could read them off the paper but I was like- nah it’s cool I memorized them while I was waiting. They were very very impressed. So I said my thing, the casting director was like "I really like what you did with the lines!" .. and then he continued about how he usually doesn’t like people getting creative when handed a script but for some odd reason my variations were fitting. I smiled and thanked him. He asked me to read the lines with a few different tones and expressions… as much as he wanted to be let down due to my lack of punctuality… he was painfully pleased.
"Can I go home now?" I asked.. but the guy behind the camera told me to wait in the waiting room while they decide who "got the part." I said "OHHhhh- ok… usually when I go to auditions they call us to let us know if we got the part…" and he said "no, not here. Here playboy entertainment we’re not quite as professional as what you’re probably used to- you know- it’s a different industry" and he kind of chuckled. "Ah! ok cool. Good to know!" I said, then went back to the waiting room.
So then the casting director came back in the waiting room and requested my presence about 20 minutes later. I know I told you guys I don’t smoke any more but I bummed a cigarette from three of the different Joanna Angel prospects outside while waiting to see if I "got the part" because I wasn’t sure what else to do with myself. I wanted to call someone and tell them this story but I couldn’t really do it while I was in the room and it couldn’t have been translated well in a text message.
So yeah, I was called back into the room and the dude behind the camera and the casting director dude were like "YOU GOT THE PART" in a very over enthusiastic tone. "OH WOW! YES!" I said and smacked both of them five. They said they would call with more information about it.
Yeah. I don’t know… are you um… happy for me?!
alright well. lots of things. many things. where do i begin.
i don’t really smoke anymore- i am still moderately upset but I am dealing with it. I’m trying to just be the best Joanna I can be, maybe better. Whatever that means. See, today I went to the supermarket and bought stuffed olives for lunch (olives with garlic in them- yeah my breath smells bad and I don’t care!) and there was a whole gang of 14 year old girls outside and about 80% of them were smoking. I was one of these girls when I was 14 as well, I don’t need to be one of these girls now.
Yesterday I got to do a scene with Belladonna! It was for a movie she has coming out in December which I believe will be called "Fucking Girls 5". Belladonna is amazing… I really really liked having sex with her. I think I needed it. For the most part in porn, things are very professional and matter of fact. Somehow us porn stars can just switch on and off from having crazy hot passionate sex to like, going home and eating a burger and watching The Office and everything being cool. However, I think like… I dunno. I think I got a little attached to Belladonna. I thought about her a lot when I came home and was like "hmm… does she like me? when can I see her again? did she really cum?" Hahahaha… it’s funny. I don’t think Belladonna has any interest in being my girlfriend- she is married and has a kid and stuff, but I hope she had as much fun as I did. She is totally sbetter in bed than anyone else I’ve ever had sex with I think… boys and girls included (sorry to everyone who is reading this that I may have had sex with at one point or another)
I fisted my ass and her pussy at the same time… and that was pretty cool… I mean.. yeah. I can’t put stuff like that on this site but if you go to www.enterbelladonna.com the photos of that are somewhere. People ask me what it felt like, and I said "warm". It’s very warm inside bella’s pussy and ass hahahahaha- maybe I should move in there for the winter time and hibernate. She really liked it… the double fisting wasn’t like, for circus value… it wasn’t for like… woooooah look what I can do value, I mean really, the girl actually gets off on having two fists inside her. It’s very impressive. I mean I think it may have been the most romantic fisting in the history of fisting, she looked at me like she was in love with me when I was doing it. I wasn’t quite sure what to do while I was in there… like… was I supposed to move around? Was I supposed to turn my fists around? Was I supposed to punch her insides? I don’t know… I sort of moved my hands around a bit and then just kind of stared at her in amazement. I was a little unprepared for it. Once I did a video where I masturbated with two dildos in my ass and two in my pussy- it was for Hustler, and the video I believe was called "stuffed" or something else equally as classy. I’m not gonna lie, the shit fucking hurt. It didn’t feel good at all but I was really determined to make it work so I could write it on my list of accomplishments. That list is saved in a word document on my computer and has a wide variety of wishes… of them being "graduate from college" (which i did) another one being "put two dildos inside my ass and my pussy at the same time and masturbate". OK I am lying- the exact verbiage on the list entails achieving an orgasm while doing this however, I could not make this possible. I think it is OK that I modified my list to merely fitting them in, for my own self esteem’s sake. I mean you know… us Jews… we’re really hard on ourselves… we’re always biting off more than we can chew. I think we’re allowed to cut ourselves some slack every once in a while.
The fact that Belladonna has the most elastic asshole I have ever seen in my life is not why i love her. She’s really a sweet-heart, and she’s actually really romantic. She likes foreplay. She likes kissing, and she likes… well she likes everything. But there was a lot of foreplay before we got to the double fisting thing and I really liked it. I think I forgot about foreplay for a while. It’s severly under-rated. I hope you don’t think I’m a big pansy for saying this. Belladonna made me so wet before my pants even came off. No one has successfully done that to me in a while.
I went to see Morrissey the other night and that was awesome too. He took his shirt off and threw it in the audience. I can’t believe he still does that! Maybe I should add to my list of accomplishments to achieve "catching Morrissey’s shirt at concert" however I think that might in fact take more effort than putting two dildo’s inside one orifice and achieving an orgasm. I love Morrissey with all my heart- even more than I love Belladonna or olives stuffed with garlic… but his fans just go above and beyond even your average stalker-ish fandom… and I just can’t compete with them for his shirt. There is strong potential I will get killed in the process. I went to Morrisey with my friend Ed, who I have been hanging out a lot with lately. He writes screenplays- like real ones for real Hollywood movies. He’s in the process of writing one that will probably be a big budget motion picture kind of thang… I told him I would make a porno parody of it and that excited him. That would be pretty cool if one day every big Hollywood director wanted me to make a porno parody of their movie. If you are reading this and have any big shot director or screenwriter friends ask them if they want a funny pornofied parody of their big passion project and I will get on it!
Yeeeeah so, in any case… after Morrissey, Ed and I went to some bar and drank champagne. When we were at Morrisey, we were drinking mixed drinks. I guess champagne and mixed drinks don’t really mixed because when I came home I puked in the toiled like 3 times. I was still feeling ill after puking so I made myself a triple decker grilled cheese sandwich with like, bacon and tomatoes and all sorts of shit on it… and then for some reason I felt better. This is all information that probably isn’t that interesting to you but… I’m telling you anyways because.. well because I want to.
I have a movie that is almost done being edited… it’s my big girl girl movie called "girls girls girls" – all the girls are like, decked out in 80’s gear and my hair is crimped and shit. I really love it- it’s awesome. It’s so colorful and I think all the scenes are pretty hot. Girl Girl movies tend to be pretty fucking boring in porn and I think I succeeded in making an un-boring one. I think it will be out in late November or December… it feels like one big slumber party. That’s about all I can really say.
Alright, well this was a pretty fun journal entry. I think it broke my streak of depressing journal entries and now I can get back into the mode of you know… making you laugh and smile and shit. I think Belladonna’s insides is what snapped me out of my sadness. She was like prozak, but with a much nicer ass.
you know, i still have stories to tell you about my shoot- good and bad, funny and sexy… but bad things keep coming up. it’s starting to get a little cold in Los Angeles and all my jackets and sweatshirts are in New York. I’m going to be getting one more year older in December, and I’m worried you all will stop loving me. I mean, I might have to turn my site into a MILF site sometime soon. Not because I am planning on having a kid anytime soon… but because this year I will be turning one year younger than 10 years older than the legal age to apply for BurningAngel. Yeah. CREEPY.
So I don’t know if you want to know this at all but there is a girl I have two videos with on this site… her name is Haley Paige… and yeah- she died a few weeks ago. Not only did we do it for your viewing pleasure, but she was also a good friend of mine. Her boyfriend- Chico- was also a good friend as well and he was just found dead today. They both sort of disappeared a few months ago, and I thought they wanted to get away and find a happy place somewhere in the world (Los Angeles isn’t exactly heaven) but something happen that drove them both to death shortly after they disappeared. I have a few speculations as to what they were but I have no proof for any of them so I don’t want to say anything. There are two logical causes for when someone dies at a young age- it’s either suicide or murder… neither are pleasant to think about. To make it even more strange, I live in a house that they used to live in together. I actually sleep in what used to be their room and sometimes their mail still comes here. I didn’t hear about it from any friends or family members or anything- their dead bodies were found, 10 days later they were identified… and within hours it was on the net- and this is how I found out about it. Weird.
Chico was a director, I was in a few of his movies. The most disgusting raunchy scene I’d ever done (Lewd Conduct 27) was for him, and he was the only director I really trusted to perform such a smutty scene for. My 25 minute anal pounding combined with slapping, choking, spitting, smacking and puking was really done out of friendship and trust and maybe to satisfy some demented perversions inside myself. Afterwards Chico bought me pizza and me and him and a few other people played fuse ball all night. His bathroom – which is now my bathroom was always dirty. He attempted to clean it for me out of respect and appreciation for my rough scene but I told him it didn’t matter. I dunno. His porn was very opposite mine but I respected him… he was so creative and funny and he really had a lot to do with why Big Boobs are Cool is as silly as it is. We pretty much copied his obnoxious but endearing interview style. I dunno… he was a friend… he helped me out, on occasion shot camera for me … and now I’m living in what was his house. I don’t really understand what happened. Haley was so sweet and funny… she liked country music and had really nice boobs. She would come over with Chico and he and my boyfriend would do boy things and me and her would do girl things… you know… like look at pictures of celebrities and decide which ones had the best hair… sometimes we could complain about our stomachs and do ab exorcises together and we sometimes traded books. Ehhhh I don’t know I feel like I am starting to sound like a Hallmark commercial. I don’t really know how to properly express how awkward this is and how I wish this didn’t happen without sounding cheesy.
but tomorrow I swear, i will have funny sexy silly stories to tell- that aren’t about cheating and aren’t about death.
What is the definition of cheating when you’re in a sort of open wacky relationship. I think it is quite clear. Please print this out if you and respect these rules if you want to make out with me and/ or my significant other or things will really get ugly.
if all of the following are done on a regular basis (regular bassis means 2- 3 times a week) combined with any sort of intimate activity it is then past the boundaries of fun open-minded sexual experience and in the territory of cheating, or in more caddy jerry springer like terms- being a fucking skank, whore, manipulative, mischevious, not very nice, backstabbing, boyfriend stealing little bitch.
so yeah- texting, calling, smiling, crying about childhood and or current problems at hours past midnight, talking about how you "really dont want a boyfriend", talking about why the last person who was your boyfriend doesnt want to be your boyfriend any more, eating, cuddling, sleeping, inside jokes, top friending, commenting, hand holding, flirting, chosing to get a ride home with you when your house is in walking distance or there are several other options to choose from, not answering my text messages, saying you really care about me when you don’t…
maybe you really don’t need to print this out.
i started smoking cigarettes as a protest to being cheated on. I don’t know why. It’s probably not a good idea to start smoking when you are 26- ohhh wait did I just tell you my real age? I meant 25. Fuck. Why did I do that. 26 is a hot age… right? Six is an even number and even numbers are sexy. I really hate smoking. I really don’t like feeling like the crazy one. Sometimes it’s kinda cute to be psycho, but I don’t think I’m being so cute right now. When I first opened up this blog entry, I intended to tell you about my trip to new york, and more about my shoot and why it went on till 9 am one morning when it was supposed to be over at midnight. I mean, those things are probably more pleasant to hear about, and you’d probably respect me more if that is what I wrote about. Instead I am too busy learning how to smoke, and making attempts at trying to resolve a situation I don’t have much control over. When these things happen I’m like, ok joanna… now be awesome… be the most awesome Joanna you can be and then everything will fall into place. But it’s hard to put on my dancing shoes when there isn’t any music on, and no one wants to go to the club with you.
God damn, my analogies are pretty terrible when I am drunk.