JEEZE

I don’t know what the hell is going on but I have been way busier than usual. It’s because I am a very famous rock star now, see… my butthole song has made it to the top 40. No fuck that, it’s in the top 10. I mean, it’s in the top 5! The whole world is signing about butt-holes now. I am hoping I can sing it at the super-bowl next year….

I am happy to be in New York as I always am when I am here. I have a lot going on this week so I know it will go by quickly.

I can say one thing though… they have these "graffiti cleaning" trucks that drive all over Williamsburg and I really hate them. They spray chemicals all over the walls and repaint them, and as I walk by them I feel like I am just that much closer to getting cancer. Not to sound all adult like and shit but I am soooooo not for my tax dollars being spent on this. Williamsburg is supposed to have graffiti all over it- it makes me feel at home here. Their paint over job is always really bad too and it just makes everything look ghetto. BOO on the graffiti cleaners. I hate you. I hope you die from inhaling the disgusting chemicals you infest my beautiful city with.

So what’s happening in my life.

The XBIZ conference was interesting. I actually had a better time at that one than I usually have at porn conventions. It was at the Hard Rock hotel in Vegas, where I had the pleasure of seeing outfits in glass cases worn by like, Prince, Christina Aguilera, Gwen Stephani, and like …. Johnny Cash. I did learn that Christina Aguilera’s pants size looked similar to mine when I was in the 3rd grade. Fortunately they were the chaps she wore in the"Dirty" video, and on the "Dirty" tour. This was a few years ago. Since then she has had a baby and shit, and hopefully, her waist size is at least normal blow average celebrity size and freakish size. Maybe I am just jealous. In fact the whole weekend really made me want to stick my fingers down my throat. I know I know that’s really awful but so many girls were walking around in their bikinis and their bodies looked… like mine did when I was 21. I miss it. So I came home and ran on the treadmill for a while… and ate some salads for both lunch and dinner. My salad for dinner however, had chicken in it so that did make it more of a filling meal. They both tasted gross and I think I look the same.

Yeah…

Anyways, I was a finalist for the "Miss Xbiz" contest and lost… miserably…. I sang the ecousitic version of Rock and Roll in my But thole live… the crowd cheered! I thought everyone liked it. I really hate being one of those girls who talks smack about other porn girls… it’s bad behavior and I like to consider us all on the same team. But I am going to sort of talk smack on another porn girl right now. I am sorry.

I won’t mention her name. She has a contract with a company that rhymes with "mimid" (i know that’s not a word) and she is blond, and she does in fact have a great body. I think she is part of the reason for my salad binge.

But in any case, there were three parts to the miss XBiZ competition… one was to answer the question "why should you be miss Xbiz" and one was a bikini contest and one was the "talent" round. I believe her answer for round 1 had something to do with loving America and something to do with being really hot. To show her love for America she wore a cowboy hat. Her talent was a 30 second display of a strip tease. Being able to take off your clothing sexily isn’t a talent when you’re a porn star- it’s like, a pre-requisite. It’s really just part of your job.

Now I was being silly- I said something facetiously about my bad child hood for the answer on why I should be miss Xbiz, and I don’t think I deserved to win the bikini contest portion at all, but my part of the talent competition won over the crowd. Blah- whatever. If anyone should have won the award it really should have been Sunny Lane. She put on the most elaborate little strip show I had ever seen- she was dripping with sweat and shook her ass and waved these glow in the dark things in the air…. I mean… it wasn’t exactly my cup of tea but it was really well done. Either her, or this other girl… Renee Perez…. whose body was amazing and she did a back-flip on the concrete…. or Penny Flame who was just … you know… awesome. I don’t know if you ever met Penny Flame- she was on the cover of AVN with me in 2005 and she’s just so awesome. She’s hilarious and is also one of the best performers in the industry. I really liked how during the bikini contest she got on the stage and did all the muscle flexing like she was in a body building competition. It was great.

But neither myself, or Penny, or Sunny even came into the top 3 for the contest. I can’t remember the 3rd runners up name but she was pretty cute… she did this whole bondage flogging little routine and I liked that. I know this might be some caddy he said she said crap, but my close friend told me that before the contest, the hoe who won took a look at everyone in the contest and said "oh- this will be a piece of cake." I mean, I applaud her for her confidence but um…. GRRR…. in a fairly tale- she would have lost- and she would have turned into a snake or something. But no… she won… people really don’t have any appreciation for buttholes, or backflips, or real talent when they see it! HUMPH!

Anyways, sorry if that sounded super caddy. I had to get that off my chest.

Ah yeah. Anyways, I have a crazy night ahead of me- it’s the Barnes and Nobles book signing and then a little after party dinner thing and then an after AFTER party at Rebel. Blaaaah. I know I sound like I’m Paris Hilton or something. It’s retarded. How did this happen to my life?

xoxox

Joanna Angel