i am not in a bad mood. i shouldn’t have left my bad mood entry up for so long! i am sure you were all so worried and lost sleep over it.
now i tried to re-write my old entry a bunch of times and then i got over it. the basic jist of it was- porn is a strange place right now. Everyone is so scared because of all the obscenity trials that have come about in the past few years… and stores, and distributors don’t want anything in any movie that is even slightly risky- and as a result- I think porn will be nothing but cuddling in a few years. I remember like five years ago when everyone was making crazy rough intense porn (some was good, some was just downright gross- but reguardless- no one should go to jail for making a gross movie) … I remember it was moving in this crazy direction where I was like- man- what will people be doing 10 years from now? What can two people do together that hasn’t been done yet? Because you know- the way porn was in the 70’s was just so different than how it was a few years ago…. the sex just got infinately more… intense. Anways, now it has gone in the opposite direction. There still is some crazy porn on the internet- but you realy can’t put that shit on DVD. Soooooo to make a long story short- there will be no choking, slapping, or spitting, in my gangbang. It all had to be edited out- I think I will put the un-edited version on the internet. I felt a little un-punk for agreeing to the terms but I really don’t want to fight for my right to make porn right now- I just want to make it, and not fight… because I don’t have the time or the money to do it. I watched the newly edited gangbang and it’s totally fine- I am sure everyone who likes gang-bangs will like it but the fact that I had to edit out anything just to make sure I don’t wind up in jail is just so ridiculous and annoying and it really makes me hate this country. OBAMA PLEASE HELP THE PORN INDUSTRY SO WE AREN’T JUST SNUGGLING AND HAVING PILLOW TALK ON CAMERA!
It’s just insane. Like, HELLO I am the producer? I PAID all the guys to have sex with me- and I hired like, very expensive cock for my gangbang scene. You really think that anyone would deliberalty do something I wasn’t comfortable with sexually when I am paying them to fuck me? JEEZE.
Someone however- who has more time and power and money than me- who is fighting for his right to make porn right now is John Stagliano. He is a genious and an amazing pornographer and he is currently facing an obscenity charge. He just put a movie out called "Defend Our Porn" where all the profits from the sales go to helping his case. If you must buy a porn that’s not a BurningAngel porn- then please buy that one. If he wins- everyones lives in porn will be better.
So speaking of obscenity- I have been watching a lot of Comedy Central lately and you know what I found obscene? Well, not obscene but- umm… for lack of better words- BAD- a stupid show called "the roast of Bob Saget." For some reason Comedy Central has decided to replay this like 9 times over the course of the past three days and- it had to have been the poorest excuse for a TV show I had ever seen. I mean- it was worse than "I wanna work for Diddy" and even Tila Tequila’s reality show. Seriously! Like- what pissed me off the most about it- was that it wasn’t even a show. Basically, Bob Saget sat on a stage and a bunch of his friends talked shit to him- then he got on stage and talked shit to his friends. There were some funny people who were part of the "roast" but like- they weren’t being so funny that evening. They all said the same things. They all made fun of Full House, then accused Bob Saget for being gay, and then made some kinda refrences to him secually molesting the Olsen Twins when they were 5. I dunno. The humor was just so bad and tasteless- now why I chose to watch this all 9 times that it was on is a different story. Maybe sometimes I just like being angry. I really am a pretty calm person- I rarely ever get pissed off. Maybe I just subconciously needed some hatrid in my life? I have been eating a lot of organic food and shit lately- I’ve revisited some vegan dishes I haven’t eaten in years. I think all this hippy food has made me even more peaceful than I usually am- so yea- I guess i needed something to yell at- and I don’t really enjoy yelling at other people- yelling at the TV was a bit therapudic.
And speaking of hippy foods- I made a pretty kick ass organic lasagna tonight with like whole weat noodles, and mushrooms and tofu and all sorts of other shit. I was proud of myself. It took about 3 hours. Even James liked it- and he really hates hippy food. Don’t tell him I put tofu in there. Shhhhh.
my life has gone back to being relatively boring. not like, totally boring but kind of boring, and i think that’s a good thing. I needed a break from my non stop nuttyness.
I must say, I really love being in a band with one song. I think it is quite possibly the most obnoxious thing ever. So yeah my uh … "band" played on saturday night at the tonga hut for Casey Cupcakes birthday party. Casey is a friend of mine who works at Xbiz, and has really nice boobs. They are like, huge. And she always has her hair in a perfect pompadour. I don’t know how she pulls that look off so well on her own… I try, but I just can’t do it. Not unless hot melissa is doing my makeup.
But anyways, yeah- all Casey really wanted for her birthday was for my poor excuse for a band to play our one song live. You know, we’re not even a full band! Princess Frank played all the instruments when we recorded it…. so when we played live, he kinda played a drum and his guitar at the same time. I don’t really know how he did that but he did.
I don’t think I have an awful voice but I feel like it sounds terrible when I am signing live because I can’t hear myself at all. I need to learn how to get over that. Attention- real musicians out there- what do you do? Or do you just get used to it after a while…. is there like, something I need to do? or buy? I mean if I only have one song I should probably know how to play the shit out of it right?
Well, Cadence, Envy, Eden, and Brian Street Team were all at the show- and that was awesome. Thank you girls for coming to watch me play my one song! Nailhead was also in the house- but he got very drunk very early and passed out in the bathroom so I didn’t get to hang out with him for that long. It was too bad. I always enjoy seeing nailhead! I also really like referring to a person as "nailhead". Cadence just moved into a new house that has an old school movie theatre in the basement and we went there and watched Heathers at like 5am or something. I am old, but not like, old enough to have watched Heathers in the theatre…. so that was pretty cool. James had his first day off in like 6 years on sunday so he wanted to get drunk on saturday- therefore I was stuck being the designated driver. I had like, one drink and a half all night long…. but I was in good company- and also, very attractive company, so it was all good.
At like 7am James and I drove home. We stopped at a Del Taco and he ordered like 5 tacos and i ordered 2. James ate all his tacos in the car before we got back to our house. As soon as we got home he passed out. I sat in bed and ate a taco while he slept and then I was like, dude, this is pretty weird…. so I didn’t finish the taco and then I fell asleep. I contemplated eating the taco for breakfast when I woke up the next afternoon but then I decided against it and James and I went to Denny’s instead. Yeah. That’s LA for you! Lots of driving, lots of fast food, and um… movie theatres in people’s houses.
Oh- the Buckcherry video I was in came out. Me, and BellaVendetta, Dusty, Nicole, and Jessie Lee are all in it- sort of. I guess Buckcherry wanted to make like a version of his video with boobies in it- and I don’t really know why. Personally, I think the concept makes no sense. It looks like the boobies are there by mistake, it doesn’t look like they are meant to be there. It’s like- come on dude! Make a titty video or not- If I made the music video for this song I would have done a much better job.
In any case, If you like Buckcherry, you will love this song because it sounds just like all his other ones.
you can find it here, on Playboy.com.
you know, a lot of good things have happened to me in the past few years- but i try not to let it go to my head. i know i’m not a celebrity- i’m like- on the E list- or the F list. A lot of people jerk off to me and shit but you know… I don’t hang out with Paris Hilton, I don’t need a bodyguard, and I drive a fucking nissan.
but yeah, i found this on You Tube and now I feel like a super-star. WHO DID THIS? AND HOW DID YOU DO IT?!
pardon me while i go do something that only famous people do.
OK so I breifly talked about Slumber Party Slaughterhouse in my last blog entry- here I will elaborate on it a bit more.
Basically-the "plot"of the whole movie is something along the lines of there being a frat party- where they all invite hookers. Some dude in the frat (i think) didn’t get invited to the hooker extravaganza and he was pissed- so he put a curse on the party and therefore each person goes into the room with the hooker and dies. Each director that was invited to direct a scene was allowed to put their own spin on it.
So me- well, I kinda made my character a possessed sort of dead Hannah Montannah kind of hooker who randomly gets possessed and starts singing "rock and roll in my butthole" – with a very large deadly strap-on to perform the rocking and rolling with. Eventually- she (meaning ME) kills the frat by attemtping to rock and roll in his butthole and him squirming away and the strap on goes through his stomach. A little more happens after that but I don’t know if I should tell you what happens- I would really hate to spoil the ending!
anyways it comes out this October- and it won’t be at a porn store near you- because- ITS NOT A PORN.
Don’t get me wrong- I love porn. I am not going Jenna Jameson on your asses where I will be like "oh I have found bigger and better things in life than porn- like being a zombie and stripping on camera! That’s a lot classier than fucking on camera!" So yeah. Please don’t think I am turning into one of those porno trying to go mainstream people…. but I am proud of myself for writing a script that involved two people dying, and not fucking. This whole experience made me feel very well rounded and shit.
Oh yeah, BTW Jessie Lee came and hung out on set- and due to the lack of sex going on she got bored and fell asleep.
here is a cool photo someone took who was watching the monitor.
Don’t I look tough? GRRRRRRR!
Yeah- so if you want to hire me for an hour of fun at your frat party- here is what you’re gonna get.
Alright- I have been back from camping for a little less than a week. It’s been a busy week, as usual. I went straight from the mountains to Philly to host the Hot Movies party and do a little "Strip for Pain" action. I am lazy and I don’t feel like uploading photos from the event- but you can find a few of them here.
Strip for Pain is a funny game show the BurningAngel girls play with Doug. I am sure most of you know this by now. Doug calls it "America’s most Dangerous Game Show." Basically, guys get beat up while girls strip. The more pain they take the more clothing girls take off. It’s really quite simple.
Doug and I have been doing Strip for Pain for quite some time now. I think over the years, I have gotten better at it or at least that’s what people tell me. It’s strange because I really don’t like inflicting pain upon men… it’s nothing I get off on in any sort of way. Just like every female, I do have pent up anger towards men inside me, but beating them up doesn’t really like…. do anything about it for me. I just think it’s funny. I am also one big attention whore and I get off on the fact that when I kick the guy in the balls really hard the crowd always goes crazy so it makes me want to kick them harder. So what I am trying to say is that any pain I inflict on anyone else- is your fault- not mine! You encourage me too much!
here’s a little photo of my amazing ass kicking skills.
THEN the next day I got to direct my very first NON PORNO scene. It was awesome. I am super excited for it to come out. Halo-8 distribution is putting out a movie this October called "Slumber Party Slaughterhouse." It’s some kind of DVD game where you have to answer horror movie trivia to get to the next scene. In any case… the owner of Halo-8 asked a bunch of different directors to direct a scene in the movie- one of them was me =). I did my whole uh… Sylvester Stallone thing again where I directed and starred in it. I couldn’t have done it without Doug. If you want to do the Sylvester Stallone thing, you really need a Doug in your life to handle your shit or else it could potentially be a disaster.
But let me back up for a second here. I thought you guys would enjoy photos of me camping. It was by far the most un-JoannaAngel like thing I’ve done all year. Maybe I should have a new stage name for when I go up to the mountains and do scenes with mountain folk.Now- I know you have seen us banging… eachother and other people- but have you seen us FISHING! Seriously. We are one hot fishing couple now aren’t we.
and here I am at a national monument in the Sierra’s that I think strongly resembles McDonalds French Fries.
and here I am again next to a big log. I was just about to make some phallic refrence to them, but then I decided that was wrong. Shame on me for even thinking of dirty things in the Mountains!
and this is not a postcard… it is real. you should look at it when you feel stressed…. it will help you find your CHI- no silly, not the the hair straighterer- but your inner peace!
and here is me catching a fish! i know it’s really un-vegan to catch fish. I am sorry. I am not Vegan but I was at a time in my life and if the vegan Joanna met the fish catching Joanna she would have kicked her ass. I did put the fish back. I felt like that was more vegan than eating the fish. So now that fish is still alive swimming around somewhere with a little cut on its neck. Hopefully it healed up by now. I think it will be fine… right?
I also don’t really know why the way I put my hair up that day made me look like I had a bald spot on my head. It just happens sometimes… I can’t help it. Some girls look so hot when they throw their hair up- like they just throw it in a ball and stick some clip in it and it is that perfect messy sex hair look. Me- I think I just look like a 13 year old boy, and this day I looked like a 13 year old boy with a bald spot… but whatever. I was in serious need of touching up my hair color… and I just did that yesterday.
anyways, that was my vacation.
it’s good to be back. This was pretty and all but if I would have stayed there any longer I would have turned into one really annoying hippie.