Well I am sure you have seen this on my myspace, or on avn.com or like, and of the other places this was posted but- please, if you are in NYC come see me tonight at the Smack-Fetish party performing Re-Penetrator live! It’s gonna be this insane party filled with zombies, gore, sluts, music, and uh… you know… anything else you could possibly want in your life on Halloween.
Every year I want to be in NYC for Halloween, and it very rarely happens, so this is, like, an orgasmic treat! I’m gonna be at this crazy SMACK FETISH/The Zombie Fetish Ball this year on FRIDAY, OCTOBER 31st, 2008. Here’s how it’s gonna go down:
Me, Joanna Angel and my lovely lady friends, the Burning Angels
DJ’s Darryl HELL + HELLRAVER (Terrorfakt): “When HELLs Collide” Johanna Constantine (SMack!, Le Carnival Fetish) Xris SMack! (SMack!, BYTE, STIMULATE), Stalag”Mike Meyers” (Asylum Guild, NYC) Punketta (Shelter, Boston)
*Costume Contest with $1000 in prizes from Demask, The Baroness, Purple Passion, Passional, Baby Loves Latex, STIMULATE & More!
DRESS CODE: Zombie Dominatrix, Undead Stripper, Borg, Night of the Living Dead, Voodoo Priest, Demonic Nun, Frankenhooker, Cenobite, White Flesh/Exposed Bone/Brain, Blood, Blood BLOOD ! Fetish: Leather, Latex, PVC/Vinyl/Plastik, Corsetry, Metal, Warped & Kinky – make an effort, it’s HALLOWEEN!!
LOCATION: Santos Party House 100 Lafayette St. (one block below canal street) (J, M, Z, N & R trains to canal) New York City, NY 10013
GIVEAWAYS: from Alfa Matrix/Metropolis Records (Zombie Girl’s Label), Re-Penetrator/Burning Angel Video, VampireFreaks.com/new Retail Store (189 Ave A) + more!
Yeah- Halloween has already been going on for a week in my world. I’m sure for some of you it has too.
I told you previously how I would be dressing up as Joanna Montannah for the Slumber Party Slaughterhouse screening- well- I did! I was a dead Joanna Montannah. Every lame Halloween costume is awesome when it is either a) slutty or b) dead. So in this case I was kind of slutty and very dead.
i made my costume slutty by quite simply, putting slits in the dress around my boobs. it is a nice simple way to slut up any costume.
i can’t think of anything ironic or witty to say about the “no alcohol at this point” sign behind me. i am sure you can think of something. however at this point and time, i am just dead/slutty joanna montannah in front of a no alcohol at this point sign.
and that is me, my friend Varla Vex, Brian Street Team, Sparky, and Sparky’s sister. Yeah- Sparky has a twin sister who looks nothing like her. Apparently they sometimes bang dudes together, but not like REALLY together. You know what I mean. Like, they take turns banging people or they bang people in the same room but they don’t bang each other. Sometimes these “people” just happened to be named Brian Street Team. OOOOps did I just say that out loud? I find the whole thing oddly arousing. Like I want Sparky and her sister to take turns banging BST in a room next to me and I can just run in and take a quick peek every once in a while. Is that weird?
Well anyways, here is me and Princess Frank of the band Masterslave- he is the composer of Rock and Roll in your Butthole- the song- and he is the dude singing in it for that half of the song where you hear a dude sing and not me. He dressed up as “Princess Frankenstein”. I thought it was pretty cute. Anyways, here is me killing him with my $3 plastic microphone.
and here is me, Katie Nisa, and Melissa Bacelar. Katie played the devil in Slumber Party Slaughterhouse and Melissa played the angel. Melissa kinda looks like she is straight out of Baywatch. It’s pretty awesome. And she wore that cop outfit so well- like usually when you buy those costumes in a bag you take it home and try it on it’s all baggy and looks nothing like the girl in the picture- she kinda looked like she was the girl in the picture.
and here is me and Allister. awww. Arent we just so cute? She was also in the movie. The movie is FILLED with BurnningAngel people. It is kinda like BA’s unofficial official horror movie. Anyways, Allister dressed up as Amy Weinhouse, or Amy Crackhouse or whatever. Poor Amy, she is just too darn easy to make fun of.
Anyways, it was a good time. Everyone really did love my scene in the movie- I was really happy to be part of it. I know it’s just a little cheesy horror movie but I really did put some effort into writing the script and making it all happen. This is gonna sound so cheesy but- I really love making people laugh. Like, when my scene played on the screen and everyone just laughed hysterically (you know- with me- not at me)- I wanted to cry! I really felt like I succeeded.
As you may or may not know- the movie is not a porno, it’s just a horror movie- but there are plenty of boobs in it, but no penetration. I dunno. If you like boobs and gore and some good laughs, then please get the movie! But you know, if you just want to watch me be a whore and stuff then go buy like, xoxo Joanna Angel or something. It’s cool. Or you can always get both- and be down with the whore and the gore. Yeah. That rhymed and shit.
So I am in New York now. I know what you’re thinking- you’re all like WHY THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING THIS BLOG ENTRY OHIO WHEN YOU’RE IN NEW YORK well… yeah… as you know, I was in Ohio two weeks ago and I never really gave it a good blogging. There have actually been a few events in my life which have occurred in the past week or so that I haven’t blogged about. Anyways, I am going to take the next hour of my life and catch up before some other nonsense happens and I get even more behind. See, now that I have this new fancy schmancy real blog I really need to be more responsible. Like Baby Sinead- she truly is my blogging hero.
Well anyways, here are a bunch of photos from my Ohio feature dancing trip. It was not nearly as exciting as my Sacramento feature dancing trip. Parts of the trip were kinda sad. I feel bad for just about everyone who lives in Ohio. It’s a sad place. I am sorry- I don’t mean to offend any of you who have some kinda super Ohio pride but, the state is pretty whack. I mean, I will tell you one thing. It’s not a great place for a Jewish chick with pink hair and tattoos.
Well here is the ever so elusive business partner of mine- Mitch Fontaine. He was my “roadie” for the weekend. Being my roadie is a very tough job. One of the many responsibilities you have to fulfill is making naked photos of myself into a bra… and he accomplished this duty thuroughly.
blah. yeah. well the good thing about not having all that many fans in ohio is that i had a lot of time to sit in the dressing room and get drunk.
and here is one of those ioctures of me taking a picture. some pepole like these. It’s kinda dark and out of focus, which is apparently another term for “artsy” these days. so yeah- check out my artsy photo!
and this is a photo of my artistic ass. sometimes i fear that you all might be a little bored of looking at photos of my ass, but i really do love taking ass pictures of myself. most of the time i am posing for pictures with just my front side I am terribly uncomfortable.
Ah ok here we go. So one afternoon I was brought to this country radio station to do a radio interview. It was pretty hilarious. Me- yes me- I was on a country western radio station in Ohio. I don’t know who exactly thought that would be a good idea but- yeah- it was part of my schedule for the weekend.
and here is what the DJ in the cowbot hat referred to as “downtown Columbus”. If you look closely, you can see all 9 people in the city walking around.
so yeah- here I am! Everyone was pretty nice. I have gone on a bunch of radio shows, as you probably know. I always get excited when I get to go on a radio show where people can call in and I can talk to them- but most of the time, I don’t have much time to talk to the person. Most radio stations give you like 5 seconds to answer whatever it is that the person asks you. However, on THE HAWK I had like, I don’t know… 10 minutes or something. The amount of time I had actually almost made things awkward. I completely ran out of things to say. Anyways, a few “vote Obama” ads played during a commercial break, and a few callers called in to complain about it. They said stuff like “What in tarnation is this- some kind of Obama radio station? I don’t want to listen to no terrorist radio station.” So I had to explain to them that this was in fact not an Obama radio station, Obama had just payed for an advertisemnt there. I tried to tell one of the callers that he actually really wasn’t a terrorist but yeah- I don’t know how far I got.
this here is a Faith Hill cardboard cut-out. I had to take a picture with it because I wasn’t so sure when the next time I would be around a Faith Hill cardboard cutout would be.
uhhh- here is another one of those artsy photos. you should print it out and hang it up next to the other artsy photo and make it like, a series.
AND HERE are DNothing and Madison Angel. They were kind enough to escort mitch and I to one of Ohio’s FINEST restaurants- Steak and Shake. Madison appropriately ordered both a steak and a shake, which I thought was quite admirable. The place was pretty packed at 3 am, and just about everyone from the strip club was there. I guess the only thing open at 2am in Ohio is a strip club, and the only thing open at 3 am in Ohio is Steak and Shake. Blaaaaaah yeah. Isn’t it kinda funny how they both wore lime green? I wonder if they planned it out.
Madison has such a cute smile… doesn’t she? She looks so wholesome and happy. She looks more like someone who would deliver fresh milk to you in the morning- than someone who forces guys to show her their cocks on webcam every day.Â Oh yeah. Those of you guys out there who have not showed Madison your penis- don’t worry- she WILL get to you. You can’t hide forever!
I guess that was the ONLY picture I took of Madison and D Nothing. Jeeze. I thought I remembered taking more?
Yeah uhhh- most of my stripper outfits are kinda slutty and trashy- this is my classy outfit. Bellavendetta made it. It’s all fancy and shit. I feel awkward dancing in it. I am not sure what I am supposed to do. I try to pull off sultry moves and wave the gown around kinda but… I dunno… I think I just look awkward. Maybe one day I will get it down. Anyways, to compensate for wearing a super classy outfit- I thought I should drink a very un-classy drink. It kinda balanced the whole thing out.
anyways- that was it. I hope you liked the pictures and what not.
I didn’t have phone sex with her- but I did have phone sex with her husband- who just so happens to be the one and only- Chris Nieratko. As you can see from how nice and lovey dovey we look in the picture- she is totally OK with the fact that me and Chris did it on the phone. I dunno- you can read it for yourself- would you be cool if I had this conversation with your husband?
I don’t even remember how I met Chris. He just kinda snuck into my life somehow. He writes porn reviews that have nothing to do with porn for Vice- and now he writes record reviews that have nothing to do with music for BurningAngel. The people who read Vice seem to really appreciate his reviews that aren’t reviews- the BA crowd isn’t responding as well. So one day I emailed Chris and said “hey do you think you could just add maybe one or two lines about the music in your review? I think the members would like it!” and he responded with “I think me and the members of BurningAngel would like it if you put two dicks in your pussy instead of one- but I don’t tell you to do that!”
I guess he had a point? Kind of?
Anyways, seriously, don’t be lazy- click on the link and read the phone sex! It’s funny!
And if you are a fan of his nonsensical reviews like myself, then buy his book, Skinema. It’s really funny- and it’s actually kind of thoughtful and touching in a weird way.
Today on BurningAngel I updated with a new video from Chapel Waste. Chapel has been on BurningAngel for a really long time. I remember the first time she came to New York to take pictures I was like DAMN THIS GIRL IS HOT… but the best thing about her is that she is so demure. Like she really doesn’t understand how hot she is. She wears nothing but cargo shorts and wife beaters… her idea of putting on makeup is throwing chapstick on, and her definition of a “pocket book” is a backpack she’s been using since high-school.
At first she just started off taking pictures for BurningAngel, and then a few years later she did a video with her husband at the time- and then some girl girl scenes… and now she’s a big filthy hoe-bag like me who gets banged on camera by anyone and everyone. Oh I am just kidding. Chapel is not a hoe-bag. I am really not even a full fledged hoe-bag, but I think I am a bigger hoe-bag than Chapel. Chapel is still the same innocent little nerd I met in New York- she is just an innocent little nerd who puts penises in her vagina on occasion.
Blah yeah- so anyways- all of you Dungeons and Dragons fans out there will really appreciate her new video. Not just because Chapel has an 8 sided die tattoo between her boobies but also because the entire video is ridden with D and D references… you know… like um… “spew your holy sacrament onto my face”.
and here are a few stills from the scene:
Or if you are just so damn excited by these photos that you want to skip watching the trailer and all that other nonsense- then just go RIGHT HERE AND JOIN BURNINGANGEL RIGHT NOW AND WATCH CHAPEL’S VIDEO.
yeah. peace out homies!!