Well this past weekend was MUSINK. It was OK. It wasn’t nearly as busy this year as it was last year. Silly me- I thought that last year everyone was there to see me…. but it turns out that 99.9% of the people who were there last year were actually there to see Kat Von D- who was not there this year…. so I guess a lot of people stayed home. I actually got really depressed on Saturday. I just felt like no one there wanted to buy a porno- and lots and lots of people said “why the hell would I buy a porno when I could just downlod one on the internet for free”. I wanted to run to the bathroom and cry. Yes, there is a lot of free porno on the internet but I am not so sure what to do about it. In order for me to keep making porno I need people to buy porno. Eventually there will be no more free porno on the internet because no one will be able to afford to make it anymore and it will suck.
BLAH well anyways, I would like to give a special thank you to the awesome people who did come to see me, and who did buy some porno and chose to not search the internet to get a free ride. It really means a lot.
OH- funny story. One kid wanted to buy a porno and I told him he was too young to buy porno but I could sell him an autographed 8 x 10 instead. I actually don’t know if that is totally legal but the photo was totally clothed…. I don’t know. Please do not report me! Anyways I wrote some message on it- it was like “I want you to fuck my ass when you turn 18″ and it looked like it made him happy. I am pretty sure when he turns 18 he will want to fuck someone else in the ass but who knows.
Anyways a few hours later an older woman showed up and said “excuse me could you please clean this up a little bit” and it was the ass fucking when you turn 18 8 x 10. I was like- “Oh no, I’m sorry…. are you his mother?” Of course, she said yes. I told her I would give her the money back and I said I was really embarassed and I shouldn’t have sold it to him in the first place. She said “no- he really likes you and this little message made him very happy. I am fine with it- I just want it cleaned up a bit.” So I changed it- it said “Dear Ryan- You rock!!!! xoxox Joanna Angel”
I thought it was mildly entertaining. I guess we will have to postpone our ass-fucking date.
Anyways- BurningAngel girls Jessie Lee, Sparky, and Nova were all there. It was a great time. Nova and Sparky had very creative ways of paying for tattoos. I was very proud of them. I won’t tell you exactly what it entailed but you can take a guess. If you are fans of Nova or Sparky then I highly recommend you begin apprenticing for an artist ASAP.
Nova is at my house now and she is just splendid. This morning she made me pancakes. She got a tattoo right underneath her boob so now she cant wear a bra so she walks around with her awesome boobs flopping around all over the place and it is quite a treat.
Anyways- here are a few photos from Musink.
Here are Nova and Sparky after they paid for their tattoos.
here is me.
and here is me, kissing another photo of me.
For those of you that are into “whale tale”
and here are the tattoos I got at the convention. The flower with the bomb is an older one but I got it touched up and made it better- and then on top I got a martini glass with two olives shaped like hearts and the martini is kinda putting out the fuse on the bomb. It was done by a very nice guy named Julius. I forgot the name of his shop…. but he was awesome. This tattoo hurt a lot. In fact it still hurts. Ouch.
This filled in the little spot on my arm that was uncovered. It is my very first Jew tattoo! See- it’s a hand, holding a rose, and the hand has a Jewish star ring. I hope all my nazi fans don’t get offended by this.
I was just kidding I don’t really think I have nazi fans.
ok. have a lovely evening…. =)
I went to Wine Country- Nappa Valley on my birthday- which just happens to be on Christmas. I think most of you know that my birthday is on Christmas but for those of you who don’t- uhh… yeah… my Birthday is on Christmas. Myself and Mr. James Deen went on a quasi romantic/ drunk voyage to Nappa for a few days as a Birthday present to me. It was quite nice. I ate a lot of cheese and got extremely drunk. The photo above is me at one of the winery’s- looking all prim and proper and shit. As you can see my lips are all purple. My face looks kinda gross. This was one of those pictures where when it was small and on the camera I thought I looked pretty hot- but looking at it now I am like YUCK. Unfortunately I did not bring Destro Damus with me to Nappa so the photos aren’t so flattering. So yeah- even though Nappa is a very DRUNK place to be, it is also a very sophisticated place. It is not punk. It is quite the opposite of punk. It is a good place for old Jewish people with alcohol problems who don’t want to admit they have alcohol problems. I actually don’t have enough time for an alcohol problem- and being in Los Angeles I have to drive everywhere- so an alcohol problem would be really counter-productive. Perhaps when I am older my alcohol problem will kick in. Where the hell am I going with this?
Oh yeah. So anyways- as I was saying….Nappa is very “sophisticated” and I just wanted you to all know that I am not a sell-out- and I still hoed it up out there, even amongst all the bourgeois- ness. I did not get sucked in! I just want it to be known that when I am on vacation, I am still a hoe.
So on one of the wine tours me and James sneaked around the wine barrels and took some dirty photos. Here are a few. They have been sitting on my desktop for like 2 months now- it is about time I showed them to you. Just close your eyes and pretend it is like December 29th 2008 and I am posting these because THAT is what a responsible blogger would have done.
I know I know- that wasn’t a dirty photo… don’t worry, they’re coming.
So- this kinda dirty sort of…. right? I mean seriously- we were like 3 feet away from a bunch of yuppies getting a lecture about grapes.I could only do so much. I could pretty much do one thing at a time. So here is a portion of my vag.
and here is a boob.
and here is my butt hole and stuff.
I just thought this was kinda funny.
and here I am trying to stick a $700 bottle of wine inside me woooohoo.
and here is the dude who worked at the winery. He caught on to what we were doing and wanted to be in a picture…. so I said yes. Here he is. I forget his name- I think it may have been George but I actually have no idea.
Somehow mysteriously my panties started to unravel. I don’t think this was because of anything erotic. See- I only brought my ugly panties on this trip. I save my nice panties for YOU PEOPLE – you know, for dancing gigs, photo-shoots, videos, gang-bangs… you know that sort of thing. I only brought my ugly panties- or as James calls them “grandma panties”- to Nappa because I didn’t intend to do any of that stuff. I only intended to drink wine and eat food. But anyways, here are the grandma panties in full effect- along with some sexy razor-burn to boot. In my drunken state, I thought this was hilarious so I took a picture. So I don’t know. Keep the photo- maybe if I am really famous one day it can be used as some kind of black-mail or something.
It is raining in LA. Everyone is complaining about it everywhere but I kinda like it. LA’s weather is so perfect it feels inhuman a lot- just like a lot of the people out here. Imperfections are awesome. That is why I like rain, and crooked teeth, and little beer guts. Not big ones- but little ones are cute.
I am going out with Jenna Haze tonight… no I am not name dropping I am just going out with her in a bit. We are both busy so we don’t get to hang out much but tonight is our special hang out night. Last night me and Madison went to a restaurant I really like- it’s called Aroma and it’s in Encino. I ate a lot of hummus. When I look on the hummus container it says a serving is two table-spoons. If that is infact correct than I ate like at least 15 servings. Who the hell only eats two table-spoons of hummus at a time?! That’s just cruel.
Pittsburgh was awesome last weekend. As I am sure you have read the excitement on other girls blogs like Draven, Morgan and Nova. Thank you so much for coming girls. It really makes me happy to know that you guys would drive so far to see me naked, after seeing me naked so many millions of times. That is just so heartwarming.I am getting OK at feature dancing I think. Brian Street Team told me I should spit on my vagina on stage…. I don’t know where he got the idea from but it is quite fun. It is a thrill to lie down on a dirty stage and spit on my private parts. I don’t know why… there is just something very um… zen about it. I hope I can do it in a town near you.
It was also quite an experience to be in Pittsburgh during the superbowl weekend. Everyone in the whole damn city wore something with a Steelers logo on it. You know the the terrible racial stereotype people say about all black people looking the same? Well- I don’t think that’s true. But I do think that every guy in Pittsburgh during Superbowl weekend DOES look the same. I know this because I walked up to a guy and asked him if he wanted a lap dance… after he said no I walked up to him again and asked him the same question. He was like “honey- you JUST asked me that!” and I had no idea. Seriously. Every guy in the strip club (other than the awesome BurningAngel fans who came specifically to see me- and thank you VERY much for doing that) was fat, white and had a moustache, and wore a Steelers jersey. I could not tell the difference. I am sorry. I am sure fat Pittsburgh men probably think the same thing about all girls with tattooes so I don’t really feel THAT bad about the generalization.
Oh and also- someone called me a poser. I thought I should bring that to your attention. He told me he was expecting me to dance to Lamb of God, and Fear Factory. I said I had Lamb of God in my IPOD but I didn’t dance to them on stage… and I never really cared for Fear Factory. Then he said something about only posers listening to Bullet for My Valentine- who I dance to. I also dance to Killswitch Engage who I think sound a lot like Lamb of God only a lot better. I guess the vagina spitting did not do the trick for him- apparently, he required vagina spitting and uh… Fear Factory. I really didn’t know I was even supposed to like Fear Factory. Someone in the band gets his hair done at the same place I do. Next time I see him I am going to spit on my vagina and see how HE feels about it. HUMPH.
I am in a big rush and I am going to break all the blogger rules and not hyperlink or bold anything. I will go back in and do it later. A lazy blog is better than no blog at all…. right?