Don’t sing in your apartment when your lover is dying in a hospital. It’s rude, and it makes for really bad television.
Well I took a lot of photos at Indiana University but I forgot to bring my USB cable back to New York City so I can’t upload the photos from my my camera. Someone is gonna come by tomorrow and bring me a cable to do this… but I don’t have it today, and I did feel compelled to update my blog right at this very moment.
I like being around colleges… it’s kinda silly. I remember being IN college- and it seemed like the whole world existed within a college and everything and anything in the world was really just in my college if that makes any sense. I ate, slept, worked, went to class, fell in love with people, broke up with people, made friends, enemies, did drugs, got sober, and then did drugs again all within like a 4 mile radius. That’s kinda crazy when you think about it. Now everything in my life is spanned across the two US coasts. Weird. I kinda wish I could go back to college and do a different major. I majored in English… I wish I learned graphic design and took some art classes or something. I really tried to convince myself I was this ooooohhhh sooooo intellectual English major and I dunno…. maybe I wasn’t. I wrote a lot of papers that I think were total pieces of shit. I actually came across on the other day that I wrote for my Romantic lit class… it was such nonsense… I think I got dumber as I read it, as opposed to learn something. Oh well.
Anyways, I talked to the students a bit about my life and how I started the company and what it was and what it is… I guess I just talked about myself for 50 minutes? I showed them a 10 minute clip of Not Another Porn Movie and they loved it. It’s nice to see people laugh at my porn… it really makes me happy.
Unfortunately there were no people picketing my appearance… that would have been kinda fun! I’m not gonna lie, I like the negative attention it gets me all riled up and shit.
Not that this is on topic at all but music videos are pretty fucking bad these days. I watched MTV for about 20 minutes this morning while I was waiting to use the shower in the BA office and like… yuck. Every video was really bad- and like really sad. Why do people want to make people cry in their videos? I don’t remember who sang the song, the girl had a pretty voice I guess… but the video started off with like, some bloody dude in the hospital getting his stomach pumped and it cut back and forth from that to the girl in her apartment crying and singing- and then for some reason at the end she was making out with some guy… hopefully it was the same guy in the hospital because that would be pretty fucked up if she ditched her sick boyfriend while he was getting his stomach pumped.
I dunno… it was pretty fucking retarded. What ever happened to the good old days when music videos were like, a bunch of crazy looking dudes singing on a stage and a bunch of shots from the crowd like cheering? Wasn’t that enough? I think it got the point across. AHHHH who knows.
I’m gonna go walk around Williamsburg and get drunk somewhere. I really really need to get drunk somewhere. I think I deserve it… I need a break! AHH! yeah
love you all
This is actually kind of exciting. I sort of feel like Larry Flynt! Well not really. I certainly hope I don’t get shot. Good lord, that would majorly suck. Fuck. If you are out there and you plan on shooting me- please don’t. I really don’t condone any violence against anyone- I will give you some free porn if you don’t shoot me! Wait, you probably hate porn. I will give you some homentashens if you don’t shoot me, my mom made a whole bunch and I don’t think I am gonna eat them all. If you don’t know what a homentashen is- it’s a triangular cookie you eat on the Jewish holiday called Purim. They are triangular because a very bad man who wanted to kill the jews on Purim a whole bunch of years ago was known for the triangular hat he always wore and on Purim the Jews killed him instead of him killing all of them. You think I’m joking? I am not! And I am not joking about all the homentashens I have either. Seriously. I have like, four plastic containers full. It’s ridiculous. They are really good- my mom knows how to make some damn good Jewish triangle cookies- so perspective I want to kill Joanna person out there, please reconsider, and think about the cookies.
Anyways, as you may or may not know, I am in Indiana right now… I was invited to speak at a human sexuality class on Monday. I asked Topco (the people who own the biggest dildo making factory in the world who make my fabulous sex toys) to send 3 large boxes of toys to the university so I could give one to every student in the class. I thought that was a nice thing to do… I am not selling the toys, I know college students are broke, I don’t expect them to buy anything from me. I sell things at signings, and strip clubs sometimes… not in colleges… sheesh… you think I have nothing better to do?
Anyways, here is an email I got from the professor of the class- who got this email from the president of the university- who got this email from someone else… if that makes any sense. How should I phrase this- someone wrote an angry letter to the president of Indiana University trying to protest my appearance… here it is. I left out the names.
*****I had to take this off my blog- sorry. I know you think I am a sell out but the poor teacher was going to get in trouble! Ahhhhh! Sorry. I am sure you can guess what it said... ******
hahahahahahaha- yeah. That's me!
So, I dunno... I am about to go to someone's radio show now. On my way there, I will make sure to stop at like, a gas station or something and do something really derogatory towards women.
should i wear them all the time?
I dunno. I never knew if I was a hat person or not.
I think it makes my nose look kinda big
K im in a rush again, but I have been neglecting you and it’s rude.
yesterday I have the illusionist from the Jason Ellis show ANOTHER handjob. You see Jason Ellis was angry at me because I presented an AVN award with the people from Howard stern on stage. It’s kind of a long story, you have to listen to the show to really get it. It’s on Faction – on Sirius Radio, I think it’s Tony Hawks radio station. Anyways, I tried to film it and I broke the camera halfway through and got cranky. That would have been a good thing to film. Sinead helped me. Sinead is a BurningAngel girl who was here this weekend, she also has a cool blog on BabySinead.com. She filmed her first few hardcore scenes and they were pretty hot. She also stuck a plunger in my ass. That ruled! I’ll get some photos and show them to you.
I listened to nothing but the Dropkick Murphy’s on St.Patricks day and at night me and Sinead went to some tiki bar and drank things that were green. I am not irish but Sinead is. She taught me the meaning of St.Patricks day. It turns out it isn’t just about getting drunk and dressing in a green outfit, it’s also about snakes. See Patrick apparently- who wasn’t even Irish… he was Scottish or British no one even really knows- he drove the snakes out of Ireland. Apparently there used to be a lot of like, poisonous snakes there but there isn’t anymore. I guess that’s just as good of a reason to get drunk as anything else is. Sinead also told me that sometimes Irish baby’s get taken away and replaced with wooden sticks and when she was younger she tried to arrange for this kinda thing with her brother but it didn’t really work. It was pretty educational. I have a whole new respect for Irish people. Next st.Patty’s day I’m gonna go to Boston with Sinead. I look as far from Irish as you can possibly look but I don’t think anyone will care. Do you?
I’m going to Indiana University this weekend… I’m gonna speak at the Human Sexuality class there. Isn’t that funny? I got Topco to send me a whole box of sex toys to give to the students. I think they will be happy. I never got free sex toys in college. Occasionally I would get free condoms but that was always depressing. I didn’t get laid much in college and those free condoms reminded me of how much I really didn’t need them. I didn’t have sex in high school and very rarely in college… man… I have had a fairly boring sex life until the age of like 22. Is that weird? A lot of BurningAngel girls have already had anal sex by the time they were 19. I should have had anal sex before I was 19… I think I would like, have gotten better grades in school. I really do!
Ah alright. I’m gonna go now. I love you all. Hope that was a sufficient update on my life for you.
i think its pretty funny.
im funny sometimes!