Skate or Die- and I’m about to die of heat exhaustion

posted by kevin11 on June 21, 2008

 

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Last week I went to the Transworld Skateboarding Awards show. I never blogged about it because … well it is really hot outside. It has made me lose my will to live.

It is still hot but I did purchase a few flowey summer dresses that have rejuvenated my will to live.

OH MY GOD that was really morbid sounding. Sorry. But really it is like 107 degrees outside and my air conditioner is like giving up.

Anyways, why was I at the skateboarding awards show? Well, you see, I was asked to be the "trophy girl" – it was a really complicated job. It entailed handing out trophy’s to the winners on stage. Porn star Asa Akira was also a trophy girl as well. It was a nice balance I think- a hot asain girl along side a Jewish girl.

Every awards show I have been to in my life has been a porn awards show. I’ve watched other ones on TV like the VMA’s and the Grammy’s and shit but I have never been to any of those. The biggest porn awards show obviously is the AVN awards show but through the years I have been to the XRCO awards, and the FAME awards as well

I’ve had a lot of friends throughout the years beg me for tickets to the AVN awards, and I usually talk them out of it. I don’t know if you’ve seen the show (it’s been replayed on Showtime every few hours for the past few months) but it’s actually quite boring. It’s a real deal serious awards show… girls spend more on their dresses than most of you make in six months… and people really cry, and scowl at each other when they don’t win what they thought they should have won. Every time someone goes on stage to get their award, half the crowd whispers to each other things like "oh my god, I can’t believe she won that award… what the fuck, she TOTALLY didn’t deserve that." I have to admit, I am guilty of this crime as well. Seriously, I don’t think you guys understand how much emotional stress, and drama ensues over the tough competition to win an award for "best blowjob."

The friends of mine who have gone to the show left really disappointed. They expected to see a big orgy. Unfortunately porn stars aren’t doing porn 24 hours a day 7 days a week… that includes myself- and I definitely don’t wanna partake in an orgy wearing the most expensive dress I own. Hey don’t get me wrong- I love getting dolled up for the show, I love the stress of looking for a dress, and thinking of a hairstyle, and I really do love leaving the show with a piece of plastic with my name on it congratulating me on making some of the best smut out there…. but the AVN awards is definitely a room full of porn stars being as un-porny as possible. Everyone’s sexuality is completely non-existent for those two hours… the only thought in our heads is I WANT TO WIN! and "does my hair look OK?"

The Transworld awards show though- was quite the opposite. Everyone went on stage to accept their awards with a blunt in one hand, and a can of PBR in the other. Everyone there was wearing Vans, cut off shorts, and a tee shirt with some skateboarding companies name on it. And when "Fully Flared" won for best video- I have never seen a crowd rejoice as much as they did. Seriously- everyone was so HAPPY for them. A skater by the name of "Guy Mariano" won just about every important award that night. The more awards he won, the happier everyone seemed to be. Fellow skaters and even opponents who were nominated for the same things he was, and lost- rushed the stage to hand him more weed, hug him, and give him "hi fives" and shit. It was really, quite beautiful.

Anyways, this whole night kind of inspired me. It’s easy to get caught up in all the competitive porn nonsense, because the truth is, winning awards does really feel good and losing them does not…. but uh… if everyone in the world acted like a skater than I think it would be a happier place.

Here are a few pictures from the show.

heres me and Asa and Matt Miller

and here is me and Asa and Tony Hawk

Oh and PS- I guess Tony Hawk is like the Jenna Jameson of skateboarding right? I mean, if someone knows nothing about porn, they still know who Jenna Jameson is. I know nothing about skateboarding… but I definitely know who Tony Hawk is. At the AVN awards, Jenna brings a body guard, and Tito (who is bigger than her body guard) and an assortment of managers and publicists and what not. It’s always a "thing" backstage at the show. Everyone in porn always wants to talk to Jenna but it’s pretty hard to even smile at her. Tony Hawk just kinda rolled up by himself… and like… sat backstage just looking at his phone and eating peanuts. I thought it would be impossible to get a picture with him, but I probably could have taken like 20 more and he wouldn’t have cared.

and here is me- totally over dressed- but whatever.

and here is me and Asa again- holding up and issue of a skateboarding magazine that neither of us have ever read.

xoxox

joanna

Posted in Pornstar Blog

in a food coma

posted by kevin11 on June 18, 2008

 

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First off- I must tell you. The boy who took my virginity was like, this hardcore vegan organic nazi. He is actually still the same way… and he looks like he is 22 and he’s like 35… I think. If you want to stay pretty- eat organic food!

In any case, when we were dating, I was your typical sloppy vegan… you know.. .one that ate falafel and french fries and peanut butter for dinner. In an attempt to do something romantic I offered to make him pasta with fake meat-balls for dinner… and in response he said "pasta is worse for you than cocaine."

The point of my story is that I just eat the most humungus bowl of pasta ever and I feel awesome. I really enjoyed every bite of processed sugars and excessive carbohydrates in my system. I gave up cocaine a few years ago, and I don’t miss it much. I mean… every once in a while I miss the drip in the back of my nose and the pointless conversations that ensued but my life is fine without it.

But damn. Pasta is fucking good.

Posted in Pornstar Blog

Domming it up!

posted by kevin11 on June 16, 2008

 

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So- I told you I was gonna dom Mick Blue in a scene… If you are behind on your JA blog reading then go back and read the entry titled "getting ready to kick some ass" because I don’t feel like repeating myself.

In any case- yeah… after being the head honcho over here for like 6 years I actually did my first "dom" scene. To be honest it was really the first time in my life I had totally dominant sex. Did I like it? I don’t know… it was a lot of work! Like, its kind of ironic- the "dom" is supposed to be this almighty powerful thing- but you really have to do all the work in the sack. I mean, isn’t the whole fun of being dominant that you have all sorts of slaves in leather masks doing everything for you? Mick blue just kinda sat there with his penis hard and I bounced up and down on it and used it like a toy- and made it very clear to him that he was just a toy that existed to give me pleasure in life. So yeah- thats "degrading" to Mick but- from a different perspective- Mick just got to site there and relax and I had to like… do this crazy work out all in the name of trying to achieve an orgasm that had everything to do with me and nothing to do with him. Hmm. Not to mention, those clothes are so uncomfortable- maybe somewhere down the line American Apparel will make some dom clothes made of like, terry cloth. Then I could see myself being dominant more often.

But I must say- the clothes- as uncomfortable as they were- did look REALLY fucking hot. Thank you again Syren Leather for lending me this stuff…

Umm… yeah. So, I think the video looks really hot. I definitely thought the idea of me using Mick’s penis like a dildo was pretty hot too… I did cum… but it was a lot of fucking work! I felt like I just went to one of those spin classes at the gym or something. That shit took a lot of effort.  But yeah, my conclusion is… that I would opt for stripping out of my sweatpants and getting fucked doggy over sitting on a cock strapped in a corset that feels like it’s gonna break my ribs on any day.

Here are some pics of my ohhh so dominant clothes.

 

FUCK

 

i am retarded and I don’t know why they are sideways. like I have no clue. TARYN! HELP!

 

anyways- this is what I look like as a sideways dom. 

 

well just turn your head sideways and this should be pretty cool.

xoxox

joanna

Posted in Pornstar Blog

Why you should join the burningangel street team.

posted by kevin11 on June 13, 2008

 

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I spent the weekend with “Brian Street Team”- who has been diligently handing out BurningAngel stickers to just about everyone in the universe for quite some time now. I call him “Brian Street Team” because a) his name is Brian and b) he is on the BurningAngel street team. I am just sooooo clever with names.

Now this photo has nothing to do with the BA street team- but it is some nice incentive for those of you who strive to do DVD distribution for BurningAngel one day. This is Vince Voyer… that guy I told you about with the car and the… you know… yeah. Sorry, I know he isn’t some cute tattooed boy… um… I’m sure the thought of me and him just makes you want to barf. But what can I say… he makes some good quality pornography and uh… will hopefully do a good job selling mine. Lets cross our fingers. I must say though, he is an excellent dry humper.

this is me thinking about how much I love the dedicated street team members.

and this is cadence, showing her appreciation for the street team

and this is Cali Nova- showing even more appreciation than Cadence for the street team.

and here is me- literally “blowing” both Cali and Cadence out of the water with copious amounts of street team love.

Oh- sorry for the quick digression but – I know you all miss Tommy Pistol so- here he is. The reason he hasn’t been in any BurningAngel videos lately, is because he has been hiding in this closet for the past year. Him and the cement have become very close.

Um- and this picture ALSO has nothing to do with the BurningAngel Street team but, I must say, as another digression- I am soooooo happy that I was at the right place at the right time. Jenna really needed someone to hold her boobs- and there I was! standing around… just looking for boobs to hold. That was awesome.

OKOK- Now I am back to my point about how cool it really is to be on the street team. See- this is street team penis- and THAT is BurningAngel vagina.

This smile has nothing to do with the Cali Nova. He is really just thinking about how much he loves handing out BurningAngel stickers at shows.

….And now Cali is getting really turned on just thinking about Brian walking around the San Diego boardwalk, topless, with a surf-board in one hand and a roll of BurningAngel stickers in another hand.

And um… Brian Street team was not lucky enough to indulge in a Joanna Angel and Jenna Haze sandwich the weekend of LA Erotica – however- he was lucky enough to have been around to take this photo….wait- come to think of it… this photo could have been a lot better. We were both like- sticking our butts out and arching our backs nicely and like- he cropped the photo ABOVE our asses. WTF- why would you take a photo of Joanna Angel and Jenna Haze and not have our asses in it at all? Jeeze. Brian must have been too busy thinking about the next convention to hand out stickers at. Brian definitely rules the teams of the streets, but like… he is not meant to be a photographer.

Oh well.

Yeah.

If you want to join the street team- you can sign up here

xoxoxo

Posted in Pornstar Blog

g4tv

posted by kevin11 on June 12, 2008

 

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Posted in Pornstar Blog