OK. Now all those people or that one person who accuses me of name dropping- I am about to name drop! So get ready for some major name dropping!
Anyways- last week I went to the VINCE NEIL POKER TOURNAMENT at the HARD ROCK HOTEL IN LAS VEGAS. The event is a charity for the Skyler Neil foundation- I read the Motely Crue biography so I know that Skyler was the name of Vince Neils daughter who died of cancer at a very young age. After she died he did some research and learned that the cancer was a result of the chemical plant near their house… I don’t remember all the exact details…. but basically, Vince started an organization devoted to cancer research, and making sure this doesn’t happen to anyone else kid. Vince Neil also happens to really like poker- so in this tournament- all the losers money was donated to the organization, and the winner got to keep the money- which was something like 25k.
At the last minute I was asked to host this event. I was actually on my way home from the AEE expo in Vegas on Tuesday, the 13th when I got a call to host this event on Saturday, the 17th. I pretended that I didn’t want to go back to vegas because I think that was the appropriate reaction but- who was I kidding. It’s fucking Las Vegas- I was super excited to go back.
It was also kinda like fate- because it was the same week that Girls Girls Girls #2 came out. I gave Vince Neil a copy of the movie. Either he will masturbate furiously to it- or I will get a cease and desist letter from his lawyer. Lets hope the latter does not happen.
Now- here is Vince Neil. If he was anyone else I would have made fun of his bad dye job and his affliction-esque shirt but like dude, he was in Motely Crue. So it is ok for him to dress as lame as he wants- and he can gain weight and keep dying his hair an ungodly color and it will still be OK.
and here he is with a copy of my lively little porno homage to his band
… And just so you know- I am TOTALLY not Vince Neils type. I am pretty sure some blond fake titted porn star was SUPPOSED to host this event but flaked out at the last minute because she was too tired after AVN- and somehow I became the replacement. I know for a fact that I was not Vince Neil’s choice- someone in his management team recommended me for the job. As a result of this decision, I single handedly ruined what could have been one of the most blond red carpet photos ever
The blondie on the far right is Vince Neils wife- I think her name is Leah, but I am not 100% sure. She is cool in my book because she told me I had a nice butt- and I like all people who like my butt- and she also kicked ass in poker. Sure, she had somewhat of an advantage because everyone else at the table was distracted by her EEE boobs but you know- she still kicked ass. The next to her is a woman whose name I forget but she is a really good photographer. Then next to her is Vince Neil (duh) and then next to her is Taylor Wayne– whose boobs is a letter in the alphabet I don’t even know. Taylor has been doing porn for like 20 years, or something ridiculous like that. I enjoyed hearing her stories about the early days of the porn industry where there was like, 5 companies and about 15 girls in the whole world who did it. I think she looks like a living version of Jessica Rabbit but with blond hair. She is also British, and very funny.
After the poker tournament, Taylor and I had to host the after party and an auction at Wasted Space in the hard-rock. We had to get on stage and auction off leather jackets signed by all the members of Aerosmith, and a guitar signed by all the members of the Rolling Stones, and some other Motley Crue parephenelia. People paid anywhere from 3 to 5 thousand dollars for this stuff- it was pretty insane. The only item that did not sell was a pair of sunglasses worn by Ozzy Ozborne. He even signed the inside of the case and everything. Taylor and I really tried- we cracked jokes and she even offered a hand-job with a reach around but we had no luck. No one wanted to pay $3500 for a pair of used sunglasses- even for a good cause.When I am sick of my clothes I have to go to the Buffalo Exchange and sell them for like one eighth the price of what I paid for them. It must be nice to be Ozzy and somehow magically have your clothing go up in value- kind of.
Well after the auction Taylor and I partied. I got really drunk and danced and shit. The DJ of the club was terrible, and I was so drunk that it didn’t really bother me. He played like 9 seconds of a song then played another one. It was almost as if he went on Itunes and didn’t want to pay the money to buy the song so he just downloaded the free chorus.
Here are some photos of the drunken fun. I was trying to show the ratio of her boobs to my hand. They are a lot larger.
Oh. And In my drunken stupor I realized that one of the waitresses at the club was that girl Brandi on Charm School. I took a photo with her. Here it is. All of you reality TV junkies can gawk at it or something.
Alright. Now that’s it.
Thanks for putting up with my name-dropping and shit. I hope you enjoyed it. And I hope you know that I am name dropping because I really think I am soooooo cool. I hope you think I am cool now too.