Oscars!

posted by Punk Porn Princess on February 27, 2012

 

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Well, I watched the Oscars last night. You probably did too? Or you at least heard about them. If you haven’t watched the Oscars, and you really care about what happened – well there are probably better places than my blog to get an official re-cap on the whole thing. But here, on XoxoJoannaAngel.com, I will tell you what I thought was important .

First off, in general, they were pretty boring. I have watched many Oscars, and yeah – they usually have some boring parts but, this year was just all pretty boring. Perhaps it was because I hadn’t seen a lot of the movies that were nominated, but really, no one wore anything too hideous, or too awesome. No one said anything groundbreaking in their acceptance speeches. Billy Crystal was not particularly funny or particularly un-funny.

I do think the most beautiful girl there – by far – was Rooney Mara. The star of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo – which was an awesome movie. She didn’t win anything; I hope she will be in more stuff next year. She kicked ass as an actress, and literally kicked other people’s asses in the movie, and  she showed her tits . Three very positive things. Rooney – if Hollywood doesn’t work out for you – there sure place for you at BurningAngel! We can make a movie called “Girl with a Dragon tattoo fucks Joanna Angel, who doesn’t have a dragon tattoo, but has a bunch of other tattoos in the ass.” I think it would be a hit.

Penelope Cruz wore a really ugly dress. It looked like something a bridesmaid would have to wear. Her hair also looked terrible. I don’t know why she chose this look.

Angelina Jolie is wayyyy too skinny. She needs to eat a burrito. Or several. Actually, when I was in San Diego, I learned that burritos down there have french fries in them. She should eat several of those.

Hugo and The Artist won a bunch of stuff. I saw neither of those movies. I am contemplating watching The Aritst, but Hugo looks incredibly uninteresting to me.

The French guy who was the lead in The Artist won for “Best Actor” , and George Clooney and Brad Pitt looked really pissed. Well since they are actors and all, they put on an OK smile when the camera cut to them after the award was announced (I don’t know why they do that. It’s kinda rude) but, I could tell – they were pissed. I would be pissed too if I lost an Oscar for acting, to a guy who didn’t have to memorize any lines.

Meryl Streep said a very nice speech. It was classy. She is a classy lady. I hope I am as classy as she is when I grow up.

xoxo

Joanna Angel

3 Responses to “Oscars!”

  1. Alex said...

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    I didn’t watch the Oscars because it would be hard for me to give one shit about it, let alone two, but I feel like it’d be amazing to watch you do a strip tease while you watch the Oscars and relay them to me. And I think it’d go a little something like this…

    DISSOLVE TO:

    Joanna lifts up her shirt and takes it off, twirling it distractedly in one hand.

    JOANNA
    Okay, now Penelope Cruz is … what? What is she wearing? She looks like a bridal boutique’s going out of business sale vomited on a different bridal boutique’s going out of business sale.

    Joanna unhooks her bra.

    JOANNA
    Man, Clooney is STILL pissed. Why is he so pissed?
    (To Me)
    Hey, did you see ‘The Descendants’?

    I MUMBLE something incoherent. Joanna continues to work at her bra.

    JOANNA
    Hugo won. Again. Whatever.
    (Yells at the TV)
    I’m still not watching you, Hugo! You’ll never win!

    ME
    Do you need … help?

    JOANNA
    Huh?

    Her bra comes off and her boobs are unleashed.

    ME
    Oh, I love the Oscars.

    And scene. Yep – I spend way too much of my free time on the internet.

  2. Thom said...

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    Acting is not just having to memorize lines ! Or acting would be so easy ! This french guy deserved to win !

  3. Nic said...

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    Check the the swedish version of it mutch better

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