I intended on writing a blog about my entire Midwest mini work vacation- but once I started writing this I got on a bit of a tangent just about my first night. I wasn’t planning on doing that- it just sorta happened that way. Hence why the entry is called “part 1″. With my bad blogging schedule- it might be all month before I get through explaining my whole trip! Don’t let me do that! Yell at me on twitter if it is Friday and part 2 and 3 has not gone up yet.

I had an interesting mini work vacation to the Midwest.It began with me signing at the Chicago Sexpo with Alexis Texas and Kagney Lynn Carter. I forgot to charge my camera so I have no photos from this event so I am being lame and just posting random images from the internet with this posting. The Sexpo was a big convention and party mixed in one- it seemed like the biggest adult event in the Midwest. I think about 6 thousand people were there- everyone was very drunk and very loud. Quite honestly it was a bit much for me. I sat at a station and signed posters for most of the evening- while various people delivered myself and Kagney Vodka and Red-bulls. After several hours I got up to go to the bathroom and had one of those woooooah I am drunk and didn’t even know it moments. It’s odd how that happens when you are drinking and sitting down.

There was some kind of amateur strip contest going on in a different room that I watched while signing- on a TV screen that broadcast what was going on in the different areas of the club. The girls entering the contest were very obviously on their night off from the Hustler club, or whatever the hell strip club was in Chicago. They all had that booty shake thing down pat, and some came dressed in those shaggy leg-warmer things- and NO ONE owns those things unless they are strippers.

Kagney and I overheard that the winner of this abomination of an amateur strip contest was to receive $5000 and we both decided that if any fake amateur stripper was going to walk away with 5 grand- it should be us. My stripping skills looked way more sub par than anyone on stage to boot. In our drunken vodka Red-Bull state we were furious about this and acted as though we signed up for the contest and denied the chance. Alexis was not drinking Red-Bull and vodkas- she was drinking some kind of odd Champagne that I think was supposed to double as an aphrodisiac. She was more of a tired drunk than a get on a poll and dance drunk- but she is a team player and said she would go along with it anyways. We found the guy in charge of everything and asked him if the contest was over. He said “yes! why?” and then Kagney explained as if she was our team representative that she really thinks we deserve to have a chance at that 5 grand. Now, if you are reading this blog you probably think I am at least moderately attractive- and if that is the case, there is a good chance that Kagney Linn Carter is just not your type but- I don’t really care who you are and what kind of girl you like…. there is just no way anyone in the world would ever say no to anything this girl would ask you, especially while she is jumping up and down and begging to take her clothing off and dance on a pole.

So then the guy changed his mind instantly and said “well I think there might be time for one more!” And he brought us to the stage… where the emcee had started introducing some band. The three of us were escorted onto the stage, and just walked right past the girl who was introducing the band and the guy took the mic and whispered something along the lines of “hey we have one more contest entry” and then the girl whispered back something along the lines of “but the contest is over and the band has to go on” and then he whispered back something like “but Kagney really wants to go on stage” and then she took one look at her and umm… well she let us go on stage. We were told before we went on that there was no nudity allowed, which I thought was quite a relief since I had a very un-matching bra and panty set on, and I also had a tampon in. Yes. Sorry! Even people in porn do get their periods from time to time.

The second the music went on Kagney flashed her boobs… and then I was like FUCK I don’t want to be the lame one on stage… so i took my top off. I left my bra on though because by this point I visibly saw the people on the side of the stage freaking out about the exposed nipples. Alexis lifted her skirt up and started shaking her ass, so basically the entire building just stood there mesmerized.

So I was like fuck this,  I better get down to business here so I took my pants off- but I was wearing jeans so I had to take my shoes off in order to take my pants off. And then once I took my shoes off and my pants off I wanted to put the shoes back on because due to my height I kind of feel like I look like a weird 9 year old with my shoes off but I had thrown them to a corner of the stage where I couldn’t find them so I proceeded. I did a little dance in front of the audience, and I had to put a lot of energy into lifting my feet up because the stage was coated with sticky dried up alcohol. I ran to the poll and hung from it like a monkey in my red cotton H & M panties with some white script writing on it that said like “paris” “london” and other European cities with my black lacy Fredrick’s of Hollywood bra. A perfect stripper outfit, really! Alexis continued to shake her ass and Kagney continued to show her boobs. I was pretty sure that even if my tampon string was hanging out that no one at this moment would even be looking.I only really know one pole trick, and since I had exhausted that already I just shoved my face in Alexis’ ass… because well… it is quite nice and heavenly in there. I feel bad. I am pretty sure that everyone sticks their face in her ass during every scene she does…. but I was quite worried that if I didn’t do that, someone else from the audience would have due to the amount of drunk people with such close proximity of the stage. OK. Fine. I am lying. I was not really so worried about that I just really wanted to put my face in her ass.

We ended our impromptu show and then the band came on stage who were visibly displeased that their set was cut short.

We did not stick around to see if we won the contest. I told the guy in charge to please call me if we won. He still has not called. Perhaps they are just taking an extra long time to tally up the votes?

It was a fun night. It was most definitely not a BurningAngel party…. but I was glad to be a part of it. The moral of the story is, that if I get invited back next year I am definitely wearing a better set of undergarments.

I should start a blog called “last month’s party” because I am really good at blogging about things about a month after they happen. It was a sign from the blogging gods above to write a new blog when my Heeb Storytelling Youtube clip got taken down for violating their terms of service. Grrr. The story was about finding god! How could they have taken it down!

Tomorrow evening (or actually tonight) I am going to Vegas to dance at the Penthouse club. I am excited…. I love going to Vegas. I love how cheesy and colorful it is, and how it is 24 hours everywhere. I am staying at the HARD ROCK HOTEL which I really do like. I have stayed there twice now. I like getting drunk and then walking around the lobby starring at weird old pieces of clothing that Rock Stars wore. I really need to pack- I have not packed. I also need to do laundry- but that isn’t happening. I don’t even know if I have any clean thongs to wear. I hope so. Perhaps I can just steal one off a mannequin in the lobby that like, Christina Aguilera wore or something.

Good things are happening in life. The BurningAngel network will be launching soon and I am just so excited. Now instead of being like, hey I’m Joanna Angel and I own a porn site- I can be like YO I’M FUCKING JOANNA ANGEL MOTHER FUCKERS AND I OWN LIKE 8 PORN SITES. I am going to start saying “yo” all the time and I am going to unlearn all the good grammar I learned in college. But seriously, I hope you all like them a lot and I hope you all want to get the new super duper BurningAngel membership that we are creating which will give you access to all the websites for one price. I feel stupid talking about business shit in my blog- but I really am proud of us. Oh, and by the way- we really need more girls for BigBoobsareCool.com. Unfortunately, I can’t just clone Sinead and January and there really aren’t THAT many ur um… oh god I hate this word but I have to use it…. there aren’t many “alt” girls with big boobs who do videos. But if you are, and you are reading this blog…. and you have really cool boobs (cool means D and above), and you want to put a penis inside of you while these said cool boobs bounce up and down- PLEASE apply to BurningAngel now.

I am getting a little off topic.

Here are some photos from the Girls Girls Girls 2 release party at the Roxy like 3 months ago. Or maybe it was three weeks ago… I don’t really know. I gotta upload these, and then attept to find a clean thong somewhere in my mess of a closet.

Well to start off- here are the BurningAngel studs. Brian Street Team and James Deen (who is looking for more twitter followers so that is why I linked to his Twitter (oh wait- my twitter is here- because I also like followers! ) As you can see, Brian Street Team is a cheap date, and James, being male performer of the year and all is a little more high class. Maybe after Brian fucks like 4 thousand more girls, he will be high class too.

And here is Madison.

Aaaaaaand here is me and James grabbing Whiskey’s boobs. I have known Whiskey ever since she was like 19…. I think I have only grabbed her boobs once in the entire time I have known her. I have some major boob grabbing catching up to do. Speaking of cool boobs, she has them… but I don’t know if she wants to put a penis in her on camera and let her boobs bounce on it. Maybe one day…. in the mean time I have this.

Here is me and Sasha Grey in the middle of a conversation. I feel like I should lie and tell you this conversation was about ass fucking but really- it was something like “Oh wow thanks for coming did you just get here?” “Yeah! Sorry I would have been here sooner but I got stuck in a lot of traffic… you look great! How are you doing?” But if that is not arousing then just close your eyes pretend we were talking about getting DP’d right at this moment.

And here is me- woooohoooo- oh and by the way Nova cut this dress up for me. It was super ugly before she took a scissor and cut it up.

Here is me and Sasha again- this time talking about gang-bangs. By gang-bangs, I really mean In and Out Burger.

And here is Regan Reese. She did a really hot scene with Draven in Girls Girls Girls 2. She was also in Cum on My Tattoo 3. I really do like her. She’s really hot and nice… and even though she has fake boobs she totally doesn’t act like all the other girls who have fake boobs, if that makes any sense. It’s like she is a fake fake boob person. Right? Ok, maybe that wasn’t one of my best. Sorry, I’m tired.

And here is Pixie Pearl! She has returned. She will be doing some new scenes for BurningAngel. Actually she already has done one and she will do a few more. It’s nice to have you back Pixie.

OK. Now Pixie is hot and takes dick well and blah blah blah – but here is why she REALLY is awesome. At the party, she put her purse down for a minute… and some intoxicated fellow puked all over it. Instead of crying about the purse like a prissy bitch- she simply asked the bar for a garbage bag and turned the garbage bag into a purse. It was amazing. My girls are just so god damn crafty. If a girl’s purse broke at the AVN awards she would go into cardiac arrest. So here is the garbage bag purse she made on the fly…. it looks like something you would see on a run-way that would cost like 9 thousand dollars in high-end store.

well that’s all my ramblings….

Good night.

xoxoxo

Joanna Angel