have you ever seen porn stars on box covers or like, those posters in the store look all wet- but their makeup is perfect… and their shirt is like, perfectly see through – but not too heavy and drenched… and their nipples poke through just the right way and their hair falls in just the right places and their body glimmers the way it would in an ad for sun tan lotion? do you know what I’m talking about? I’m sure you do. it’s sort of really cheesy 80’s like but it’s still pretty fucking hot. i don’t know why.

when i was in Miami signing for club Jenna at Exxxotica – I remember this one particular box cover- it was staring at me the whole time- it was called " the Jessie factor" (I don’t know if i spelled that right) – and Jesse Capelli and Jenna Jameson were on the box- both looking "wet"- with white tee shirts and barely smudgy but smoky makeup and glistening hair. When I was taking breaks from getting annoyed of people asking me "when does Jenna get here" (I mean- my ego aside- there was a big sign right next to me that said when she would be there. I was more annoyed by the over-all stupidity of the population more so than the fact that everyone was there to see Jenna and not me) but yes, what was I saying… yes- when I was taking breaks from re-iterating what was said next to me… I thought about how much I would not look like that if I doused myself with water.

So having some free time this weekend, I decided to investigate this issue.

My hot friend Melissa is a makeup artist and when I asked her about the mystery behind the wet look, she told me it involved a lot of Vaseline, eye make-up, baby oil and a spray bottle. I asked her if she could make me look like that and she said yes. The other day I was in a friend’s studio and there were several photos on the wall of Jessie Capelli. I knew this because she signed her name on all of them. I asked him if he took the photos and he said yes.. I asked him if he shot the cover to the Jessie Factor and he said he had no idea what I was talking about. He asked why and I told him- and then he said that he has don’t shoots similar to that before and he could shot me like that if I wanted to. He was like "Joanna, that’s not really you… it’s a very classic porno look and I just can’t picture you like that" but you know… I don’t NEED to have all my photos in front of like, graffiti… and in dirty bathrooms… and stuff. I mean come on. But in his studio he did have a dirty bathroom so I said "well instead of taking that picture near like, a water-fall…. maybe we can just take it in your dirty bathroom near the sink." I don’t know why it is so important to be near a source of water for this fake-wet photo but I wanted to keep the fantasy alive and keep the illusion going that I really did pour water on myself and just look like that.

Anyways, my hot friend did the makeup- heavy black eye makeup and Vaseline over it. I drenched a tee-shirt in water (I didn’t have a good white one so I used a yellow one but it worked just as well) and put baby-oil gel AND sprayed water on myself. That way, the water just like, glides down off you. Get it? I put the shirt on and doused some extra water on the nipples so it was more see through there than the rest of the see-through shirt. My hair was wet with a spray bottle, and some of that oil, and some gel, and some other crap Melissa put in it. Whatever kind of refreshing feeling you feel when you’re showering, or like… swimming in a lake… this was the opposite. It felt nothing like what it looks like.

In any case, I did it! Woohoo! The photographer showed me the photos, and I looked perfectly porno-wet. It was awesome. And I guess it made sense because it was by a dirty sink. I don’t know… Whatever. There were also some pipes in back of me. I guess if anyone doubts the legitimacy of the sink making me wet- I can tell them that one of the pipes burst. The photographer is touching up the photos and stuff- I will show them to you as soon as I have them.

So yeah. I did it! Hip Hip Hooray!

Unfortunately, I showered like 3 times and I still feel sticky.

Oh yeah… and as I was writing this blog entry I remembered that I left my wet shirt in the suitcase that I brought to the shoot with me and I just took it out and now the whole thing smells really bad. Grrr.

xoxo

Joanna

you know what i don’t like? getting spam about my friends.

i take personal offense to it.

today in my inbox is an email with the subject line "chocolate whore marie luv getting nailed by 10 big cocks"

marie luv is such a sweet girl, she really doesn’t deserve to be in my junk folder.

*sigh*

so the other night i watched sex and the city for like 6 hours. no one was home and I was indulging in some me-time… so I spent it doing something my roommates would never let me do. My roommates are boys. Some boys do in fact like sex and the city- and fancy the show as some kind of guilty pleasure but my roommates are not that type of guy. They are alpha males who think the show is stupid and they’re not even just saying that to prove something, they really mean it.

I haven’t watched the show in a while. I have been addicted to watching Entourage which is very much like sex and the city, but with guys, and in Los Angeles.  Blah. Anyways, everyone is supposed to watch the show and think of like, who they are- right? I used to think I was the Carrie, because, I write and well… she’s the star of the show and she has a very nice stomach and nice shoes. I don’t think my stomach is all that great, neither is my shoe collection… but I would like them to be (i am talking about both the stomach and the shoes.)

So for the past few days I have been walking around with a very loud inner monologue in my head narrating psycho analyzing everything I do. It’s rather annoying. I also feel incredibly underdressed.Like, I can’t just go get a bowl of cereal and take it for what it is, I have to think about how the cereal is symbolic of my life, and how every corn-flake is like a guy I have slept with.

Blah.

It’s stupid.

that’s it.

xoxox

someone just wrote me a message on myspace… the extent to our relationship was that we both co-exist as photographs in eachother’s friend’s groups. I don’t think we ever made it to the comment level of our pseudo friendship. in any case, he wrote me a message saying good bye- because he was going to delete his myspace page, and find god. Apparently he had deleted his page once before but fell off the wagon and re-created it. I don’t know why he can’t find god, with a myspace page… or more importantly, I don’t know why he felt the need to tell me all this.

at first i thought it was a practical joke, but then i was like… what would someone get out of this if it was a joke? i don’t really get it.

anyways, that’s all. just wanted to share this with you.

xoxo

hey

so i got a new tattoo. It’s a blue rose on the back of my neck. it’s very frustrating becaue i can’t really see it properly. I have to use 2 mirrors and angle them all weird to get excited about it.

I got it on Friday. We shot a scene for the new movie I am working on (called girls girls girls like the motley crue song) in a tattoo shop- it was called "Traditional Ink" on Melrose. The owner of the shop was like "let me tattoo you!" and I was like… OK. I knew before I got there that I would leave with some new ink. I can’t go to a tattoo shop and not get anything. I did that once- and it sucked. I watched my friend get tattooed and just sorta sat there, jealous and annoyed. It was rather selfish, I will admit but hey I am just being honest.

Some people like to have their one tattoo person who does all their work. Me personally, I like having different people tattoo me. Every time I get one done by someone else it’s like, a different experience. I guess I am sorta slutty when it comes to tattoo artists. I am not very loyal.

Ah! Whatever.

If I can get a picture of my tattoo somehow i’ll post it up here so you can see it.

xoxo

joanna