I intended on writing a blog about my entire Midwest mini work vacation- but once I started writing this I got on a bit of a tangent just about my first night. I wasn’t planning on doing that- it just sorta happened that way. Hence why the entry is called “part 1″. With my bad blogging schedule- it might be all month before I get through explaining my whole trip! Don’t let me do that! Yell at me on twitter if it is Friday and part 2 and 3 has not gone up yet.
I had an interesting mini work vacation to the Midwest.It began with me signing at the Chicago Sexpo with Alexis Texas and Kagney Lynn Carter. I forgot to charge my camera so I have no photos from this event so I am being lame and just posting random images from the internet with this posting. The Sexpo was a big convention and party mixed in one- it seemed like the biggest adult event in the Midwest. I think about 6 thousand people were there- everyone was very drunk and very loud. Quite honestly it was a bit much for me. I sat at a station and signed posters for most of the evening- while various people delivered myself and Kagney Vodka and Red-bulls. After several hours I got up to go to the bathroom and had one of those woooooah I am drunk and didn’t even know it moments. It’s odd how that happens when you are drinking and sitting down.
There was some kind of amateur strip contest going on in a different room that I watched while signing- on a TV screen that broadcast what was going on in the different areas of the club. The girls entering the contest were very obviously on their night off from the Hustler club, or whatever the hell strip club was in Chicago. They all had that booty shake thing down pat, and some came dressed in those shaggy leg-warmer things- and NO ONE owns those things unless they are strippers.
Kagney and I overheard that the winner of this abomination of an amateur strip contest was to receive $5000 and we both decided that if any fake amateur stripper was going to walk away with 5 grand- it should be us. My stripping skills looked way more sub par than anyone on stage to boot. In our drunken vodka Red-Bull state we were furious about this and acted as though we signed up for the contest and denied the chance. Alexis was not drinking Red-Bull and vodkas- she was drinking some kind of odd Champagne that I think was supposed to double as an aphrodisiac. She was more of a tired drunk than a get on a poll and dance drunk- but she is a team player and said she would go along with it anyways. We found the guy in charge of everything and asked him if the contest was over. He said “yes! why?” and then Kagney explained as if she was our team representative that she really thinks we deserve to have a chance at that 5 grand. Now, if you are reading this blog you probably think I am at least moderately attractive- and if that is the case, there is a good chance that Kagney Linn Carter is just not your type but- I don’t really care who you are and what kind of girl you like…. there is just no way anyone in the world would ever say no to anything this girl would ask you, especially while she is jumping up and down and begging to take her clothing off and dance on a pole.
So then the guy changed his mind instantly and said “well I think there might be time for one more!” And he brought us to the stage… where the emcee had started introducing some band. The three of us were escorted onto the stage, and just walked right past the girl who was introducing the band and the guy took the mic and whispered something along the lines of “hey we have one more contest entry” and then the girl whispered back something along the lines of “but the contest is over and the band has to go on” and then he whispered back something like “but Kagney really wants to go on stage” and then she took one look at her and umm… well she let us go on stage. We were told before we went on that there was no nudity allowed, which I thought was quite a relief since I had a very un-matching bra and panty set on, and I also had a tampon in. Yes. Sorry! Even people in porn do get their periods from time to time.
The second the music went on Kagney flashed her boobs… and then I was like FUCK I don’t want to be the lame one on stage… so i took my top off. I left my bra on though because by this point I visibly saw the people on the side of the stage freaking out about the exposed nipples. Alexis lifted her skirt up and started shaking her ass, so basically the entire building just stood there mesmerized.
So I was like fuck this, I better get down to business here so I took my pants off- but I was wearing jeans so I had to take my shoes off in order to take my pants off. And then once I took my shoes off and my pants off I wanted to put the shoes back on because due to my height I kind of feel like I look like a weird 9 year old with my shoes off but I had thrown them to a corner of the stage where I couldn’t find them so I proceeded. I did a little dance in front of the audience, and I had to put a lot of energy into lifting my feet up because the stage was coated with sticky dried up alcohol. I ran to the poll and hung from it like a monkey in my red cotton H & M panties with some white script writing on it that said like “paris” “london” and other European cities with my black lacy Fredrick’s of Hollywood bra. A perfect stripper outfit, really! Alexis continued to shake her ass and Kagney continued to show her boobs. I was pretty sure that even if my tampon string was hanging out that no one at this moment would even be looking.I only really know one pole trick, and since I had exhausted that already I just shoved my face in Alexis’ ass… because well… it is quite nice and heavenly in there. I feel bad. I am pretty sure that everyone sticks their face in her ass during every scene she does…. but I was quite worried that if I didn’t do that, someone else from the audience would have due to the amount of drunk people with such close proximity of the stage. OK. Fine. I am lying. I was not really so worried about that I just really wanted to put my face in her ass.
We ended our impromptu show and then the band came on stage who were visibly displeased that their set was cut short.
We did not stick around to see if we won the contest. I told the guy in charge to please call me if we won. He still has not called. Perhaps they are just taking an extra long time to tally up the votes?
It was a fun night. It was most definitely not a BurningAngel party…. but I was glad to be a part of it. The moral of the story is, that if I get invited back next year I am definitely wearing a better set of undergarments.
Well- some of my entries have a lot of words- this entry will have little words and a lot of photos. I mean, what do they say? A photo speaks a thousand words- or something? I don’t really know. Anyways- here are my photos from Erotica LA! Me and the BurningAngel girls had a lot of fun. Thank you to everyone who came out and got some signed DVD’s and shit. We love you dearly.
Well here is me and Alexis Texas
I know everyone likes to objectify Alexis Texas for her ass- but you know what- if you can’t beat em’ join on. Sometimes I want to objectify Alexis Texas for her ass too. It is totally OK for feminist types to objectify girl’s with nice asses every once in a while- right? Yeah. So Anyways, here I am with Alexis Texas’ amazing awesome juicy ass.
Seriously- I don’t get why my face looks so ghost-ly in all these photos. I swear, I did not look like that in person. I need to stop using that kind of foundation or something. Grr. Oh well. Sorry. Anyways- here is Misti Dawn holding a portrait of James Deen and Brian Street Team. These portraits were done by a very professional and famous artist and they are worth a lot of money.
Now here is Misti Dawn showing her respects to the amazing artist who drew the portrait.
And here are Misti Dawn and Jessie Lee being cute by making un-traditionally cute faces.
And here is me and Andy – along with a writer for Vice Magazine- but the Vice in South Africa- not the Vice here.
And here I am with my friend/ BA Photographer Nate. I thought you would all appreciate this angle- and this angel- GET IT!
Here is my very official red carpet photo from the FAME awards.
Here is me with the entire all-star team of BurningAngel sluts! Bellavendetta, Jessie Lee, Misti Dawn, Cadence, Draven and Envy- it appears as though each of us were all trying to pose for a different camera.
Here is me and Bobbi Star- you know, I really need to start making more graceful faces in pictures. Joanna- it’s not cute. It is getting ridiculous!
Here is me and Eva Angelina
Here is me and Teagan- who won a FAME award for Best Ass. Unfortunately, her ass is not in the photo so you can’t really tell. I have always kinda wanted to have sex with her- even though she is blond and has fake boobs and stuff- I think she is totally hot.
Here is me inbetween Evan Sinefeld and Tera Patrick. Tera Patrick beat me in the fame awards for favorite female starlet, AND for best website. Therefore, for totally immature purposes I am so not linking to her website in this posting. Don’t get me wrong- Tera is a very nice lady and she is legendary in porno-land and shit- but I sincerely think my website is better than hers. Oh well. Le Sigh!
YUM- here is me with my future wife Sunny Leone. I don’t know why but I look downright frightening in this picture. I do strongly recall my eyelash glue acting kinda funky at this time- but jeeze. I don’t get it. Just look at Sunny and don’t focus on me.
One of the millions of reasons I love Jenna Haze is because she spends more on shoes than I do on rent for a month. For this reason, I thought that her shoe deserved its own photo. That and the fact that it was black and pink and everything in the world that is black and pink is definitely awesome.
And now here is me and Jenna being goofy.
And here is Brian Street Team with the Wicked Pictures Contract Hoe- Jessica Drake. I know that Brian really wants to have sex with Jessica- but I don’t know if she is as down with the streets as he wants her to be- so this photo is closest he can get to hitting that shit in the mean time.
And here is Andy again with Mr. Pete who I love having sex with- although I don’t know if the other BA members like Mr.Pete all that much. I think they are still warming up to him or something. I don’t know! Anyways- here he is.
Here is me and Jenna on stage presenting the award for Best Breasts.
Here is me crossing my fingers and hoping to win the award for best website.
And here I am after losing the award for best website- see how sad you made me and Draven! Why would you ever want to make me and Draven so sad!
And last but not least- here is a photo of me probably the nicest girl in the entire porn industry- Belladonna. I don’t just think she is nice because she let me put one fist in her butt-hole and one fist in her vagina and kinda pretend I was boxing….. she really is just one of the nicest people- not just in porn, but like in the world. A nice person who can get two fists inside of them is pretty rare. Three cheers for kindness and fisting!
Well those are all my Erotica LA photos.
I hope you enjoyed them =)